Hidden In My Heart

Homemade Baby Food

2012-01-21T20:47:00.001-06:00

Jacob started rice cereal 3 weeks ago. He was born ready to eat that. He acted like he had been eating it for days. I couldn't put it in his mouth fast enough. Good thing. :)
He started on veggies this week. Monday-Wednesday he had carrots for lunch with his cereal. Thursday and Friday he had butternut squash. So far so good.
I spent most of the afternoon and evening making baby food. It is ridiculous how much organic baby food cost, so I'm making my own. I bought organic carrots, butternut squash and acorn squash to make baby food. After I steamed them separately in a steamer basket, I blended them in my food processor with a little water. I then poured most of it in ice trays to freeze. Each cube is approximately 2 Tbs. It is so much cheaper that way! Next I will be green beans and some peas. Then in a few weeks we will have some fruit.
The last couple of days he has been on a 3 1/2 hr schedule. That is going much better than 3. He has a better appetite. But I think that it's time to move to 4hrs. He just isn't that interested in eating. I know he can go that long because he did it twice last Sunday.

Healthy Choices

2012-01-17T16:32:00.000-06:00

I've decided to eat healthier. This is week 2 and so far so good. :) Sunday was an exception because we went out with friends who picked a place that I think even fries their sweet tea! j/k
I really don't mind eating healthy, in fact I enjoy a lot of vegetables and fruit. It is just always more convenient to grab some greasy potato chips when I need a snack. And since I do not buy healthy choices, of course I will default to MSG laden chips with a Pepsi (I love that carbonation and corn syrup).
But, to the despair of my husband, I am no longer buying those things. Instead, we now have yummy alternatives. Such as fresh veggies to make a wonderful salad! I also really enjoy making a fresh smoothie of fruit and yogurt to go with my scrambled eggs for breakfast(need the protein). String cheese and crackers make a great snack! And homemade salsa is incredible with ANY meal(I make mine very spicy)! I am also trying to cook more fresh veggies as opposed to buying the cans. It most definitely takes more time to prepare for dinner, but it not only is better for you, it tastes better!
I really need to lose this left over pregnancy fat. I have 25lbs to go. I've hit a plateau. I am unable to exercise with little J now that it is getting cold out. And I am unable to after Steve is back home because it's dark. I'm contemplating going for a jog when Steve's home for his lunch break, but I really enjoy the adult interaction. J's down for a nap at that time so he wouldn't have to watch him, but that's a good time for us to be together without our mocking bird(he's now making bird noises very loudly). Not sure yet.
I'm also going to bed earlier. I have had sleep problems off and on all my life. But after the pregnancy it is worse than ever. I'm trying to get myself on a schedule to see if this helps. It's nice to have J sleeping through the night, but doesn't help me much when I can't sleep.

New family

2012-01-09T04:14:00.000-06:00

I am so excited that the Lord led us to be a part of Harvest church. I am filled with such mixed emotions. We did not want to leave our HHBC family, but headed out under the direction of Holy Spirit. After 5 months of searching, we finally found the people that God wants us to connect and begin a new life with. Our hearts yearn for our HH family more than words can describe. But with our new Harvest family we are eagerly expecting the power of Holy Spirit to transform us to be more like Christ! That means doing, not just memorizing, what Christ exemplified while He was on earth. I know that He is going to stretch us more than ever before. And our desire is to run straight into it. Not pulling away when its uncomfortable, but pressing on knowing that Father is transforming us to be more like His Son! All praise to Him for His marvelous grace. We are so unworthy for Him to invite us to know Him more, and yet His arms are open wide.

To Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, be blessing and honor and glory and dominion forever and ever. Rev 5:13

Thank you, Father, for Your mercies are new EVERYDAY!!!

Sleeping Problems

2012-01-07T10:55:00.001-06:00

Another bad night. He woke up every 1 1/2 -2 hours. But, part of the problem is that he is moving around so much that he flips over and then can't go back to sleep. So I go in there every time and flip him back over and he immediately goes back to sleep. To night we will be doing CIO. This is not going to be fun.....but neither is getting up every hour of the night. He needs to learn to go back to sleep on his own....or flip himself back over. But it will be a while before we reach this point.
What is puzzling me is why all of a sudden he is not going into a deep sleep at night?? 4 weeks of this is taking it's toll.

Teething

2012-01-06T10:01:00.000-06:00

My little man is teething. So the 11 hour nights are gone!! He started waking up every hour or hour and a half through out the night for 3 wks now! I am about to pull my hair out (which I can literally do. It's been falling out for 2 months now). But I have adjusted his schedule and trying to work around it. The last 3 nights he has slept about 8 hrs before waking.
He has also started rice cereal. He loves it!! I can't give it to him fast enough. He's eating that 3 times a day now. I think that has helped him sleep better.

I wish we could get the naps down. He is a 45 minute baby. No more no less, 45. It's amazing. I don't know how these moms get their kids to take longer naps. He will randomly take a hour and a half nap. Yesterday morning it was 2 hours. Those are gifts. :)

2012

2012-01-05T17:33:00.000-06:00

A New Year!

On New Years eve of 2010, Heavenly Father spoke a word to me about the coming year of 2011. He told me that it would be a year of New Beginnings for us. I had no idea what that was going to entail. I had some desires as to what I hoped that would mean.
I don't know how many tears I had shed over the previous 3 years or how many desperate prayers I prayed, pleading with God to change our circumstances. Nights of despair and going to bed angry at the Lord because He had forgotten us, or just didn't care. Days that were so dark we could hardly see. Oppression brought on by unseen spirits that felt as if I were literally in chains. It was such a dark time.
Why is it, the truth you know and believe in the light, you forget or choose not to believe in the dark? Truth does not change with circumstances. And that was the only thing that got us through. Choosing to believe in His Word even when circumstances screamed that it was false. I can even remember the sick feeling I had in my stomach during that time. I remember like it was yesterday what that darkness felt like. Sometimes we could even physically see darkness in the daylight.
But we completed the time the Lord set for us to be there. Praise to HIM who sits on the throne, He lead us out of that place! We had tried to leave on our own but it failed. But when it was time, the Lord went before us and made the way straight!
Even though this is a new year and so many people are making their new year resolutions, I do not want to forget what the Lord has done in the previous year:

1) Countless conformations that it was time to move (unlike the years before)
2) Stephen applied for seminary
3) Sold our house in less than 3 months, on June 27th, 2011
4) On the morning of the signing, Stephen received his acceptance letter
5) The Lord provided us a place to live until we moved to the seminary, for free!!
6) We received more money from the sale of our house than we ever thought we could..lived off the money for 6 months when Stephen quit his job. Paid off our mortgage, as well as our car note!
7) July 30th, 2011, Jacob Paul Jansen was born. 8.1 lbs 21" long. Beautiful healthy little boy!
8) August 18th, 2011 we moved to seminary housing.
9) December 14th, 2011, Stephen completed his first semester at Southwestern, his 30th birthday!!!
10) God continues to provide for us financially while we are here, growing our faith everyday!

And now for 2012, we have finally found a new church family. On January 1st, we joined Harvest church. I get so excited thinking and anticipating what the Lord has in store for this new year. I know that it's not all going to be fun, but I know HE has so much more for us to learn about HIM! I am excited about getting to know my Savior even more this year than ever before! And I do not ever want to forget where HE has brought me from! HE has saved me by HIS wonderful grace! But not only saved me, but has invited me to love HIM and know HIM!!

Happy New Year!

Ft. Worth and Seminary Life

2011-11-08T22:11:00.000-06:00

I hate going this long without updating. its overwhelming. :S But for the sake of looking back I will write.

Our house sold! It was absolutely a work of God. The couple that I mentioned in the previous post was unable to get the financing for it. Very disappointing, but we knew God had something else in mind. Another lady contacted Misti and was interested in the house. Did a walk through and really liked it. She asked us to come down off the price by $8,500. We agreed with the understanding that it was "As is". She asked to see it again the next day, and brought her Realtor's husband to look over the house (telling us that it was her friend). Well, they gave us a list a mile long of things they wanted us to do before she would buy it. It was a horrible experience. The Realtor was rude to Misti, and she insisted that we take care of the things they listed. I was so uncomfortable the whole time dealing with them. I just did not have peace in my heart about the whole thing. We finally agreed to do a few things on her list and began working on them. Now mind you, they had already given us their written word, and then went back on it. So now, they have to write a new offer. Well, the day the Realtor was to drop off the new offer at my house, I prayed and asked God to work all these details out. "We (Stephen and I) don't have a clue what to do. You know that we are so uncomfortable with this. If this is not the right person for this house, then please intervene. We don't have any reason not to go forward with this unless you stop it. Please don't let anyone take advantage of us. We want this house to sell, but it is what You want that we desire more."
Not even an hour later Misti calls and says that a family is interested in looking at the house. Since we did not have the written offer from the other lady yet, we decided to let them look at the house. They were coming around 6pm that evening. about lunch time I took a shower and was in my room, and I heard a lady in my house. She came down the hall and so I opened my door and it was a Realtor. She didn't know that I was home, and she came to show that family the house. They decided to come and see it early instead of 6pm without letting Misti know. (Scared me to death!) I asked them to give me a few minutes and then left so they could look around. What I didn't know, was that the first Realtor that was dropping off the offer, showed up at the same time this family did (she was supposed to be there early that morning with the offer and called Misti several times saying that she was going to be late with it. Just couldn't get to our house.) . She got angry and didn't leave the offer. Called Misti and was very ugly to her.....
During this time the family was looking at the house and loved it. They were willing to give us exactly what we were asking for it. Well, it's history now! They got the house! June 27th. And they were such a nice couple!
We were just blown away at how God moved in this process. We had enough left over after paying off our house to pay off our car note as well, and still had several thousand left.
We moved into Joel and Teresa's guest apartment (one room). Stephen applied to Southwestern and was accepted.
On July 30th, at 8:50am, Stephen left with Joel to do some work at the
food pantry. 10 minutes later, as I was laying in bed, my water broke. I had no cell phone reception so I couldn't call him. I got our bags, added some last minute things to it, loaded it in the jeep, and drove myself to the hospital. I called Stephen as soon as I got to hwy 69. He was at the hospital when I got there. I was already at a 4 and quickly dilated. I wasn't feeling any pain yet. Around 5pm they checked and I was at a 10. Pushed for almost 3 hrs but wouldn't come. His head had turned and so he got lodged. I had to have a C-section. Jacob Paul Jansen was born at 8:20pm and weighed 8.1 lbs What a joy it has been to be a mother. But, I do miss sleep. :)
We moved 2 1/2 weeks later to our new home here in Ft. Worth. That was the hardest thing I have ever done. and it took a while to get adjusted. Jacob had colic really bad. ( I take that back...colic is the hardest thing I have ever been through) I had to put him on a lactose free formula. and 4 days later it was like a totally different child. He's been sleeping through the night since he was 7wks old. That is a gift from the Lord.

House For Sale

2011-05-12T12:23:00.000-05:00

We faced a deep struggle and temptation last year in wanting to go to Southwestern. But the more we sought after it, the less peace we had. And finally, the Lord told us so clearly to wait.
Over the last months, we have felt the Lord telling us that it’s time to move in that direction. Every word that we receive from the Lord is “go”. This is totally different than last year, when every word was, “wait”. And I think the greatest thing of all is the peace from His Holy Spirit that we did not have before.
So for us right now, “Go” means that we need to sell our house.
It went on the market last Wednesday, May 4th. Thursday the 5th, Misti Peppard received a call from a couple wanting to look at it. They had already driven by and wanted to take a look on the inside. They set up an appointment for yesterday at 5:45pm.
I have asked so many to pray that if they are to get the house, that they would know as soon as they walked through the door. From the way Misti described, it sounds like God answered our prayer and beyond. They already wanted it before they even set foot inside. We are now waiting to see if they will be able to get financing. If they get pre-approved in the next 2 days, Misti will start working on the contract.
We know that the house belongs to the Lord. And He will sell it if that is His will in Heaven!

I am so thankful for Misti Peppard who is showing our house for us. She is such a blessing. We would be pulling our hair out trying to do this on our own.

Calling

2010-05-17T12:24:00.002-05:00

   I know that Jesus did not die on the cross so that i could just go to church on Sunday mornings. There is a very specific reason that the Father called me into knowledge of His Son. We know, because of so many references in the Scripture, that the reason we were created and why He saved us, was to bring Himself glory. ( a few being: Is 43:6-7, Jer 13:11, Psalm 106:8, Rom 3:23)
   But there is a very unique and specific calling for me. One that He had in mind before I was even born. Paul and Barnabas were called out by His Holy Spirit for a specific mission.
Acts 13:2 "While they were ministering to the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, "Set apart for Me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them."

   In that passage it does not say what the specific calling was on the two. But He had obviously told them. When Paul wrote some of the letters to the churches, he told what his calling was. (Rom 1:1; 1 Cor. 1:1; Gal 1:15-16)

Can you bring Him the most glory from your life without knowing a specific calling? Could Paul have been as effective in spreading the gospel if he had not received a specific calling?
     He knew he was called to preach the gospel to the gentiles. He had his target, so he could stay on mark. That was how God wanted to glorify Himself in Paul.
Think of how much time we waste when we do not know our calling. We stand around not knowing what to do.

2 Peter 1:10b "Therefore, Brethren, be all the more certain His calling and choosing you;"

1 Thes. 5:24 "Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass."

Laryngitis

2010-05-12T15:39:00.000-05:00

Day 4 with no voice.

Man, it is crazy how much I depend on it. It's such a natural thing. My job even depends on it. 2 weeks now not working. That's going to hurt.

Mother's day was interesting. All I could do was whisper. And with some not able to hear very well with my normal voice, it made for some very frustrating conversations. And since most cannot read lips, words were a completely useless form of communication. :D

But the hardest has not been the lack of conversations with others. It was the first day, on Sunday.
The team was leading us in worship and I opened my mouth to sing, and nothing came out. It broke my heart. I wanted so badly to sing! I felt like I couldn't worship as much without my voice. but then it hit me....

When you get so used to worshiping God in a certain way at a certain place, I think it becomes more of a habit. Why else would I feel that I couldn't worship as well in that setting? It's so routine I don't even recognize it.

I love that I can sing. And I love that the Lord has called me to sing. But I must not love singing for God more than I love God.

In My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes, "Your god may be your little Christian habit-the habit of prayer or Bible reading at certain times of your day. Watch how your Father will upset your schedule if you begin to worship your habit instead of what your habit symbolizes."

Wait

2010-04-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

Jer 29:28

It's going to be a long time!

This is the message I am getting from the Lord. We have prayed and dreamed, but the answer that was given was, "Not now."
This caused deep pain. I have struggled with this and wrestled with God until i can struggle no longer. All thats left is to surrender.
So what is it that we are staying for? What work is He doing in us that is not completed?
So many questions.
But my heart is filled with hope again that He spoke. Even when it's not what you want to hear, there is still life in His words. How great is our God!

Pursuit

2010-03-11T16:23:00.000-06:00

You know, when you pursue and chase after, you can tire quickly.

Sometimes it's nice to

Pursued.

2010-03-10T13:33:00.000-06:00

O.K., so this is where I'm at...
Absolutely stuck here. Though the solution seems simple enough, I haven't done a thing about it!

James 1:22 "But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves."

Romans 2:13 "for it is not the hearers of the Law who are just before God, but the doers of the Law will be justified.

James 1:25 "But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does."

I do not want to be merely a "hearer" of the Word; I want to be a "doer"! But the sad fact of the matter is: I only memorize Scripture, I do not live it!

I must tell this wonderful analogy by Francis Chan. See if this sounds familiar to you.

I am paraphrasing:

[ My daughter knows better than to come back to me after I have told her to clean her room and say, "Dad, I thought about what you said. I even memorized it in Greek. Later I'm going to have my friends over and we are going to discuss what it would look like to clean my room." ]

I would have never told my dad that. But for some reason, I think that it's O.K. when Jesus tells me to do something.
How in the world, when I am standing before HIM and giving an account of all I did for him, can I look at Him, with the scares in His hands, and maybe even the ones on His brow, and tell Him all of the little memory verses I know???
Just think about that.

Now I am not belittling memorizing the Holy Scriptures. You can not be a doer of the Word without first knowing the Word. But we are merely hearers. I can't think of anyone that I would call a "radical" for Jesus Christ. To me, someone who is radical is someone who lives like Jesus.

So the question for me becomes, What do I do? What is it going to take for my life to be radically changed for the name and renown of Jesus Christ?

Southwestern

2010-03-09T14:06:00.000-06:00

We are going to tour Southwestern Theological Seminary next Wednesday on spring break. We are praying diligently that the Lord would be clear weather we should go to this school or not. This is what we want to do. We are praying that He will tell us if that's what He wants. We hate where we are. I don't know how much longer we can take. We need a breakthrough! We are begging God that we will be able to start in the fall. We are quite honestly passed depression and consumed in despair. Yes we want out. But I do not want a Hagar! I want to wait for the Lord.

After the tour, we are leaving to go on a much needed camping trip. We have not been able to get away for a while. But we are going if the weather is good. I know this will help refresh us to get away from everything. And I am looking forward to spending time with the Lord away from the distractions of everyday life.

Those who wait on the Lord

2010-03-05T16:12:00.000-06:00

A day seems like an eternity. A week is gone as soon as you blink.

It's never fun while waiting on the Lord. But Oh how much greater the prize the longer the wait!

" those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40

Nat Jansen

The Engagement

2009-12-18T15:51:00.000-06:00

What a day it will be when we are married to the Lamb!
We are to spend our time getting to know the One
whom we will marry. Enjoy the courtship to the king!

Courtship: 1. the wooing of one person by another.
2. the period during which such wooing takes place

As a man gives an engagement ring to that special girl as a sign that they will be married,
so He gives His Holy Spirit as a promise that He is coming!

There is going to be a wedding! Are you engaged to the KING!?!

2 Corinthians 5:4-5 "For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed but to be clothed, so that what is mortal will be swallowed up by life. Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge."

How bad do you want it?

2009-10-21T10:00:00.000-05:00

"Now about that time Herod the king laid hands on some who belonged to the church in order to mistreat them. And he had James the brother of John put to death with a sword. When he saw that it pleased the Jews, he proceeded to arrest Peter also Now it was during the days of Unleavened Bread. When he had seized him, he put him in prison, delivering him to four squads of soldiers to guard him, intending after the Passover to bring him out before the people. So Peter was kept in the prison, but prayer for him was being made fervently by the church to God. On the very night when Herod was about to bring him forward, Peter was sleeping between two soldiers, bound with two chains, and guards in front of the door were watching over the prison. And behold, an angel of the Lord suddenly appeared and a light shone in the cell; and he struck Peter's side and woke him up, saying, "Get up quickly " And his chains fell off his hands. And the angel said to him, "Gird yourself and put on your sandals." And he did so. And he said to him, "Wrap your cloak around you and follow me." And he went out and continued to follow, and he did not know that what was being done by the angel was real, but thought he was seeing a vision. When they had passed the first and second guard, they came to the iron gate that leads into the city, which opened for them by itself; and they went out and went along one street, and immediately the angel departed from him. When Peter came to himself, he said, "Now I know for sure that the Lord has sent forth His angel and rescued me from the hand of Herod and from all that the Jewish people were expecting." Acts 12:1-11

I don't believe that I will ever truly comprehend the depth of prayer. But I have seen and heard what He does when His children are on their faces before Him.

We want so many things, good things. We want our families to be saved. We want healing. We want miracles in those impossible situations. We want to see a move of His Holy Spirit. We want, dare I say it, Revival in the land! We want our churches everywhere to be burning with passion for His Name! To carry out His vision. But do we really want those things? I submit that we do not! It's just talk! It sounds good to us, just like going on vacation sounds good.

There's only one thing that brings those to us, PRAYER.
And I'm not talking about the little prayers that you shoot God's way in the morning before you rush off to do YOUR business for the day. I'm not talking about the half hearted prayer you mutter because it's the thing to do. That's NOT Prayer!

I'm talking about anguish, fasting, keeping you up at night, labored prayer. If you've never seen God do a great work through your family, then you haven't labored for it. If you've never seen Him do a great work through your church, then you haven't labored for it! If you are facing an impossible situation, why would you do anything else but drop to your knees in prayer? It doesn't matter how long it takes for you to get an answer, you stick it out and fight in prayer to the end.
Where are the people who are on their faces before a Holy God with prayer and fasting?
If you are not praying, then you don't want it! It's that simple.

From reading Acts 12, this is what we know happens when people are praying:

Chains are broken
The enemy is blinded
Doors open by themselves &
People's lives are saved

That should be enough to keep us on our face.

Nat

Promises

2009-10-16T08:49:00.000-05:00

I know that God's Word is Truth. For He is God and cannot lie. So therefore, He cannot write or inspire a book that is full of lies. So when we read promises in His Word, and are trying to claim them and it's just not working out, why is it that we would assume that God doesn't keep His Word? That we cannot trust Him? We doubt His goodness.

I have been in John chapters 14, 15, & 16 for several months now. It is just loaded with promises straight from the mouth of our Lord Jesus Christ.

There are so many in chapter 14 alone that blows my mind.

The works I do, you will do also, even greater works (14:12)

Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do (14:13)

If you ask anything in My name, I will do it (14:14)

I will disclose Myself to you (14:21)

We will make our abode with you (14:23)

Whatever you wish will be done for you (15:7)

Whatever you ask for in My name, so the Father may give it to you (15:16)

If you ask anything in My name, He will give it to you (16:23)

Ask and you will receive, sot hat your joy may be made full (16:24)

There are times when I absolutely anguish over Scripture. When the Holy Spirit leads me into a passage and I wrestle with it over and over. To me I think the passage to be elementary. I should already know this. He leads me to common verses, if the Word of God can be common, and I realize it's depth. I read it, but yet do not have understanding. I see it, but just like these verses above, they do not "SEEM" to be right. I have asked the Lord for things I wish. Even unselfish things. I have asked that this person be healed. I have asked that my parents are able to sell their house so they can move closer. I have asked that the Lord give this person a job, or fix that or do this. In my limited knowledge it seems the most logical solution. So why would God not do it?

But yet, those promises are still there. And if I know that He does not and can not lie, then I am missing something.....and so began my journey.

After reading this over and over again, pleading with the Holy Spirit to teach me, He finally gave me a little hint.

One Sunday afternoon a couple of months ago, I had the most horrible head ache that I had had in a while. It was bad enough that i probably could have gone to the ER. But instead i retreated to my carport outside with my Bible in my lap, opened up to John

I don't know how many stories I have heard from people that were angry at God because they read something in the Bible and then it doesn't happen. Or they were told by a person in ministry leaders position that they were intitled to something, and they DID have enough faith, but it didn't happen. Example-

There is a man who's mother was sick. She was dying of cancer. Their pastor told them if they had enough faith, that she would be healed and would not need to have treatment. She died!

Now he is left wanting nothing to do with a god that is so mercifulless, and nothing to do with his people.

That is an extreme case I suppose

January

2009-10-15T14:35:00.000-05:00

I am waiting for January. I'm not exactly sure what is going to happen, but if I am understanding the Holy Spirit correctly.....something big is going to happen for Stephen and I.
Every day crawls by. i wish I could write a little of what He is showing me, but not clear on it yet. But hope is rising!
Too bad you can't speed time up with an energy drink.

WEDDING

2009-09-10T10:32:00.000-05:00

Wow! So I'm going to have a brother soon! ha ha. A brother in love, as my dear friend Glenna puts it. Stephen's sister is getting married and we are sooooooo excited!! My heart is rejoicing for them! It has been long awaited......isn't that right Christina? ; )
Brad asked her to marry him Saturday late night. They are getting married in a little over 2 months. Not a lot of time for planning, but oh so wise!
May God bless this marriage! Please grant them a heart that will love You Lord, more than anything else!

Partying for the Davis and Jansen families!! Bring it on! :D

Nat

job

2009-09-09T08:23:00.000-05:00

One day when I have a job that I actually like, I will be able to smile at people and really mean it. Can you tell that I'm not feeling very well? ;P'

Life At Present

2009-08-28T09:34:00.000-05:00

Stephen and I are leading a college Bible study. It has been so much fun! One day, we will be able to do that full time. Lord give me strength as I expectantly wait!

Our church is taking part in the Beth Moore simulcast this weekend! It is going to be so good. The Lord has anointed her to teach and I know He has given her what needs to be spoken this weekend! Lord prepare my heart!

PASSION 2010- Steve and I are taking some of our college group to the Passion conference in January! We are doing a fund raiser this nxt Saturday. A car wash.
Some of the speakers will be Beth Moore, Louie Giglio, and John Piper! And worship bands will be Chris Tomlin, David Crowder, Matt Redman, Charlie Hall, Christy Nockles and more! So good! I can't wait.

Stephen is back to teaching again. The summer didn't stay long. It came to pass.... Oh God, please sustain us! Refresh our souls!

Well, I don't feel like there is anything else to write about. Hopefully I will be able to write some very good news soon for me and Stephen about our future....We're just waiting on an answer from God. :)

Jesus Christ is Everything!

2009-07-01T11:48:00.000-05:00

* Click on the title to watch this video.

We Are a Sent People

2009-04-28T11:00:00.000-05:00

I wonder when it happened that the church today, the true church, -those who are in Christ Jesus- missed what the great commission is all about. Matt 28 "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
Mark 16:15 And He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation."

When were we taught that it said "IF you are called to be a Pastor, Evangelist, or Missionary, THEN go into all the world...?

I know, as a ministry leader, I have been very frustrated in the past at the lack of participation in different in reach and outreach ministries we have done in our church. But here lies the problem....
Whether intentionally or unintentionally, and each church will have to answer that, laymen ( just regular church folks) are being told from the pastoral staff or teams that it is the job of the pastors to evangelize our friends, family, & neighbors. That for some reason the laity does not know enough to tell anyone about God and what the Son did for them. And I know that well meaning pastors never intended for that message to be broadcasted, but that is what is being heard.
How many times have you invited people to come to your church? A few times. But how many people have you yourself told about Jesus Christ and what He did for you? Not too many.
My point is, without even thinking about it, we have pushed the responsibility of reaching "Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and the remotest part of the earth.(Acts1:8)"off on someone else. What easier way out than to put it on the Pastor. And of course the Pastor, he's "called".

IT IS NOT THE CLERGY'S JOB TO EVANGELIZE YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY. IT IS YOURS!!
We are convinced that somehow we are fulfilling our Christian duty when we invite them to church. "Oh I've got to get them to church because church will fix all of their problems."
It is a lie that is straight from hell. And we have taken the bait with no reservations. The enemy is winning this battle by far! And I'll tell you why. This may actually shock you so get ready.....

LOST PEOPLE DO NOT WANT TO COME TO YOUR CHURCH!!

I don't care what program you are doing, I don't care if you have the latest technology, the most popular songs, or the greatest carpet in town.....they do not want to be apart of your church. If they did, they would come.
Let me prove this point. How many people of the world that do not know God are coming to your church? If your church is growing, is it because of salvations, or are you just swapping members? People that come because they got bored at their old church or got their fragile little feelings hurt. That's expanding the Kingdom? I don't think so.

So the enemy is winning. Not because we don't love God. Oh we love God! "How great is our God", we sing! And we mean every word of it. We love our pastors, we love their teaching, the music, the people(most of them), the programs! It just makes us so happy to be there! And there's nothing wrong with that. We need to be there. The problem is that we expect the world to come to us.
You want to know what they are thinking about your church. "All they want is my time and money." and that says "they don't care about me". That saddens my heart. We have convinced ourselves that the world will come to us and it is simply not true. Gone are the days when everybody went to church. Jesus used the word Go because he knew that they would not come to us.

Here is a TRUTH for you. No matter who you are, or what your job is when you wake up in the morning, if you know Jesus Christ as your savior, then you are called to the ministry and called to be on God's mission. So if you have been struggling, not knowing if God has "called" you, Then stop. The answer is a big YES. So that is no longer a question for you. The only questions you should be asking is Who and where?

It would be so easy just to read this and say, Amen, right on, preach it girl. But what difference would that make in the kingdom? Are our lives backing up our words? We can hear good whole truth all day long and still be completely ineffective for the Kingdom.

Lord, let me be the first to confess that I have just been full of words. I know what sounds good. I know how to talk like someone who is really on fire for God. But that's all it is. Talk.
When will I realize what I'm doing? When will my actions back up my words? I want my life to reflect someone who is empowered by the Holy Spirit and who is faithfully fighting the good fight.

We must live as a sent people. Letting go of everything that we will not take with us when we die. If we did not love this world, we would have no problem going where ever the Spirit leads.

Acts 12:5-10

2009-04-01T10:04:00.001-05:00

O.k. It will be a while before I have pictures.....and I have no idea how long a while is.It's taking forever to finish because I can't make up my mind on the colors!

So I was reading in Acts today and this is what God showed me. In Acts 12, Herod put Peter in prison basically for a political reason. He didn't break any law, he had just ruffled some feathers of some of the non-believing Jews, and Herod saw that it would please them to have Peter killed. But the awesome thing is, the church was praying. It says in vs. 5 "So Peter was kept in prison, but the church was earnestly praying to God for him." The most important word to me in that sentence is the little word, BUT. "But the church was earnestly praying". And because the church was praying, his chains fell off, the gate opened, he was set free and his life was saved!

That's so amazing!! I could spend an hour on this......
Just in closing, remember this -

When the church prays, chains are Broken, Doors are Opened, and peoples lives WILL BE SAVED. Amen

~NaT~

Painting

2009-03-16T09:47:00.000-05:00

O.K. We are finally painting our house today. I just hope the forecast was right that it is not going to rain anymore until Saturday or Sunday!

Before and after pictures coming soon.........

~NaT~

Can You pour Your Spirit out on ignorance?

2009-03-13T08:33:00.000-05:00

This morning after I dropped Steve off at work, I drove back here to the office at HHBC. It was 7:35. I had 25 minutes before I was supposed to go in to work. So I decided to read my Bible and spend some time praying. ( This is not every easy for me to do because of all the commotion that is going on around me. WAY too many distractions)

Something caught my attention though. As I was looking out of my jeep window, I glanced up at our WC and immediately prayed, "Lord, can you pour your Spirit out on ignorance?" I have asked this many times but never get a reply....usually because I'm complaining and not really being sincere. But I meant it this time. I really wanted to know if He would pour His Spirit out on people that do not even want it. Or that just flat out deny that He pours out on people. But the very instant that prayer left my mouth He reminded me of Numbers chapter 11. So I turned there and read it.

I had not read this in a while, and even when I had read it before, I didn't see this. These Elders were complaining and whining to God. Actually, most of the Israelites were. They were tired of the manna that miraculously fell from heaven. They wanted meat! And the Lord punished them for it....it says in vs.33-34 that "But while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague. Therefore the place was named Kibroth Hattaavah, because there they buried the people who had craved other food.".After all that God had done for them they still longed for their old life as slaves in Egypt!! But He called all the Elders to come and He poured His Spirit out on them so that they began to prophesy. And even two old dudes that didn't even meet with them couldn't hide from the Spirit. They began to prophesy in the camp where they were at! Amazing!!

So Yes, the Lord can and will pour His Spirit out on people who are not even expecting it! Praise God!! Holy Spirit, pour out on me and this church and hold NOTHING back!!

~NaT~

Oh Summer

2009-03-12T09:04:00.001-05:00

Where art thou you beautiful place. The warmth of your sun, the sweet embrace. The gentle breeze that sweeps my face. Oh summer, do not delay.
_____________________________________________________

Ha ha!! Sorry. i am just so ready for summer.....90 degree weather! Bring it on!! A better tan. Lake trips with friends and my dogs!! : )
Bright sun shine! I already have spring fever! And that makes me want summer even more!

~NaT~

Bassets

2009-03-06T08:40:00.000-06:00

This is my baby Basset.
His name is Samuel Lou.
He will be a year old this month.
And he is nothing but trouble!

This is Annie( for now - we might change it) We adopted her back in December. We are guessing that she is about 2 years old.

This is a pic of her when we first got her. She was very skinny. I'll put another pic of her once I fatten her up. : )

~NaT~

Painting

2009-03-06T08:30:00.000-06:00

We are getting ready to paint our house. Haven't decided on colors yet. But I do not like the color that it is right now. I think that it clashes with the color of the brick.
This is going to be a big job. Probably will take up 3 or 4 days of spring break. But I'm excited!
I also remodeled my bathroom. I took the shower doors out and hung a curtin. Hung a towle rack and made a few more changes. It feels so much cleaner to me. Those shower doors were so hard to keep clean.
I will have some before and after pics of the house when we paint it.

A Call

2008-11-03T10:00:00.000-06:00

January 3, 2008 '.....I am asking all of you to go before the Lord with fasting and prayer! Present your requests before the Lord and intercede for this nation and the coming elections!! We are at a very crucial time, saints of God! And I am calling the Christians out! No more are we going to vote for someone because they will put money in our pockets!! No more will we vote for someone because of a political party! No more will we sit on our hands and do NOTHING!! We need to be on our knees in prayer right now for the election of 2008. Don't wait until that day to start shooting prayers to heaven! It is our responsibility! I pray that the Lord would turn His house back into a house of prayer!!
There is a war that goes on in the heavens that does not sleep! The enemy is working hard to put his people at the top. They are the one’s that legalize the shedding of innocent blood! Psalm 94:20-23 “-They band themselves together against the life of the righteous and condemn the innocent to death. But the LORD has been my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge. He has brought back their wickedness upon them and will destroy them in their evil; The LORD our God will destroy them.” I have to tell you Beloved, someone must cry out for mercy for this nation! Just as Daniel went before the Lord on behalf of his people, (Dan. 9:3-5) “So I gave my attention to the Lord God to seek Him by prayer and supplications, with fasting, sackcloth and ashes. I prayed to the LORD my God and confessed and said, 'Alas, O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant and lovingkindness for those who love Him and keep His commandments, we have sinned, committed iniquity, acted wickedly and rebelled, even turning aside from Your commandments and ordinances.”
His prayers shook the heavens. He fasted and prayed for 3 weeks and it stirred the Spiritual world. A battle was going on that Daniel was totally unaware of until Gabriel told him! That story is so encouraging! We must not give up on praying because we do not see immediate results. For who knows what is going on in the spiritual world that we can not see. ( Dan 10 - Then he said to me, 'Do not be afraid, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to your words. But the prince of the kingdom of Persia was withstanding me for twenty-one days; then behold, Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, for I had been left there with the kings of Persia.)
Saints, now is the time to pray! We can not vote for a man that does not believe in the sanctity of marriage! And we can not vote for a man that legalizes murder! Questions. What about the war? Will this man protect us from terrorist? I tell you now, No president can keep us safe from terrorist with out the blessing of the hand of God! And God will not bless this land and protect us when we are shedding innocent blood, I don’t care who is in office!! But I thank God for the blood that cries louder than the 50 million innocent babies’ blood that cries up from the ground! (Gen. 4:10)
O Lord, our God, have mercy on us. A nation that has turned it’s back on you! And have mercy on your people that do not follow after you!
It’s time to take our ground! It’s time to stand on righteousness and not political correctness! Heavenly Father, awaken your people again, for we have fallen asleep! In Jesus' Name!

Natalie Y Jansen

Bondage or Freedom

2008-10-10T13:57:00.000-05:00

Exodus 17
1Then all the congregation of the sons of Israel journeyed by stages from the wilderness of Sin, according to the command of the LORD, and camped at Rephidim, and there was no water for the people to drink. 2Therefore the people quarreled with Moses and said, "Give us water that we may drink " And Moses said to them, "Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you test the LORD?" 3But the people thirsted there for water; and they grumbled against Moses and said, "Why, now, have you brought us up from Egypt, to kill us and our children and our livestock with thirst?" 4So Moses cried out to the LORD, saying, "What shall I do to this people? A little more and they will stone me." 5Then the LORD said to Moses, "Pass before the people and take with you some of the elders of Israel; and take in your hand your staff with which you struck the Nile, and go. 6"Behold, I will stand before you there on the rock at Horeb; and you shall strike the rock, and water will come out of it, that the people may drink." And Moses did so in the sight of the elders of Israel.

Wow! They had a need. That need was water. They had been freed from the bondage that the Egyptians had placed on them. But now it gets tough. Now they must trust their god with their entire lives. If they had no water, they died. As simple as that. But God provided, even though, as you just read, they grumbled and were even angry at Moses for daring to take them away from the "comforts" of Egypt.I say "comforts" because they were not TRUE comforts. Egypt was what they were used to. They had grown accustom to that lifestyle. Some had never known anything different. They pretty much new what to expect when they got up in the morning. But what they were used to was beatings, hard unmerciful labor, and just enough food to keep them alive to work. Comfort? I don't think so.But how often does our God invite us to freedom with a promise that He will come through for us, but we run back to our "comforts". God promises me that he will come through for me. That he will take care of that problem. But I run back to my anger because I can't control the situation. HE tells me that HE created my inmost being and knit me together in my mother's womb, but I cling to my jealousy, self-hatred and fear that something better will come and take my spot. I wallow in the filth of my selfishness. It's what I've known. To walk away from it leaves me venerable. I have to abandon everything that I have always believed to trust in someone else. In One that does not always tell me what He's doing. That's hard. But even with all their disbelief, God still provided what they needed.(Mercy) They lived. He gave them water to refresh them and invited them to trust Him again.His mercy calls to us. His grace invites us to try again. To understand that losing our life for Him is actually gaining life. And life more abundant.

Update

2008-07-31T15:07:00.000-05:00

I thought I would give a little update on my life. Things have been a little crazy over the last few months.
A little over a month ago I passed out in my kitchen and it looked like I had a seizure to Stephen and Shelley (his sister). I went to the ER and I'm now going to be paying them for months for doing absolutely nothing! Literally! They took my blood pressure/sugar, which was fine and sent me home. Ridiculous.
I went to my doctor and she ordered a MRI...(I've also been having severe head aches for more than 2 years and they keep getting worse)....the MRI didn't show anything serious.( thank you GOD!!) Just a severe sinus infection. So I've been on strong meds for a month now and I'm going to be on them one more month. I'm still getting dizzy spells....but my head aches are not as bad and they havent been staying as long! Apparently I have had this infection for a long time. But I don't think that I have had it for two years! I guess I could have. All I know is that I have had head aches for over 2 yrs now. We'll see if that's it.

We sold our Tahoe! It was so sad. :( I hated to see it go. But I was not sad to see the gas tank go. It was bitter sweet. :)
We now have a jeep liberty. I really like it! And it is so much easier on the pocket book. We got an awesome deal on it. God was so good to us! One amazing thing is that we sold that Tahoe in a week! Couldn't believe it!

Stephen and I just celebrated our 1st Anniversary!! July 14th. One whole year! Amazing. It does not feel like a year. That scares me. Time really needs to slow down...or I do?
We went to San Antonio for a few days to celebrate. We had a really good time. We spent a lot of time on the River Walk. We went to Schlitterbahn for a day. It was good to get a way for a little while. We left on Sunday, got back on Thursday, and then left for the lake on Friday with the college ministry at out church. Didn't get back until late Sunday night! We were tired. :) But it was great.

We have a new little puppy now named Sam. He is all basset hound! we got him in May. but we have to keep him inside...which I do not like cuz he sheds really bad and he stinks( he's a hound...it's not his fault ha ha!) ...because our neighbor's dogs attacked him. It was horrible. He had to have surgery and then he lost his sight. The Dr. said that he would probably be blind from then on. But God gave his sight back and healed him. (You should have seen the look on the vet's face when we brought sam in for his check up and told him that we laid hands on the dog and asked God to give his sight back!!!) Now he's good as new. You can't even see any scars.
But To make the situation better....the dogs got him the same night I had to go to the ER. While I was on my way to the ER, Larry (Stephen's dad) had to take Sam to meet the vet for emergency stitches. It was crazy!! Then he had surgery the next morning.
But we are all good now!! haha!!

O.K. I'm going to stop now.
Hope everyone else is doing great?

Natalie J

you just need to laugh

2008-05-12T22:12:00.000-05:00

I know that this is nothing new

2008-04-09T12:50:00.000-05:00

But I do not understand the mercy of God.
For 2 and a half weeks God has been showing me how great His mercy is and how much grace that he has poured on me.

Oh I know all about the mercy of God for others.....but for me? Why I hold myself to a higher standard, I do not know. Why I think that God would hold me to a higher standard than someone else, I don't know that either.

But some how I have convinced myself that, whether my sin small or great, that He is tired of me and does not want to waste anymore time with me.

I have been living with this condemnation for almost 2 years now. Even though I never formed it into thought, it was still there. So needless to say, I have been hurting because I do not feel close to God.

Living in that worthlessness, I come to the Father not in boldness as a child of God, but with my head turned in shame as a dirty slave. Yes, maybe God loves me, but does he accept me? Why would he accept me? I have done nothing for Him except to shame Him and disobey!

Why can't my mind grasp forgiveness?

The Lord is working on my heart. Until I can accept forgiveness, how can I forgive?

Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

This made me laugh until I started crying!!

2008-03-26T11:38:00.000-05:00

Replying to Christina's Blog

2008-03-19T15:23:00.000-05:00

You know...I do the exact same thing. I haven't always been like that. It's just been in the last 3 years. So many things (that were not so good) happened to me and my family all at one time, and then just dragged on. I started distancing myself. It took a lot out of me. Now I avoid any relationship( or job ) that I feel like it is draining me! I cringe inside just thinking about those people or situations!! And for some reason, Steve and I both attract those kind of people!! lol I think there must be a sign above me that I can't see that says"Dump your burdens here!" That's terrible, I know. :-)
The bottom line is, I have sinned! I have become very selfish! It not only hurt my relationships with my family and friends, but I am not very close to God anymore. I have pulled away from everything. Slowly but surely. I didn't even realize it. I got to the point where I was numb to everything.
The Lord is healing my mind and my heart now. But it is a slow process. Now I have to fight my very lazy mind to keep it from closing down on me when I get into a situation that will require more of me.......more of my heart.
I am ready to move out of this! I want to love others more than I love being comfortable! It's going to be a battle. I am not looking forward to this.....

The HOLY SPIRIT

2008-02-27T15:26:00.000-06:00

With the limited knowledge that I have of the gifts of the Spirit, I really feel like I have the gift of discernment. I can see things that most Christians can not. Sometimes I have seen, heard, and felt things that I did not want to. But in those times it is most crucial that I pray!

I know that God wanted Stephen and me together. He made darn sure that it happened!!
I knew that if God wanted us together that He had a plan for us to work together for His Kingdom............the coolest thing ever...........in January it was so awesome to see both of our gifts working together! We were in KC for the One Thing conference. We stayed at a hotel for a few days while we were there. A man, who's name in English in Justin....there's no way I could spell his real name... who worked the night shift. It was always after 12 every night before we got back to the hotel from the conference.
The 1st night we got back to the hotel, Justin saw us out of the front lobby window and called us in...I was a little nervous...I thought we had done something wrong. We followed him to the front desk where he picked up this large box that had all kinds of pasteries from that morning's breakfast. "Take", he said in his broken English. Stephen of course jumped right in while I had to explain to Justin that I couldn't have it. Then he asked me if I was Indian. I told him that I have Native American indian....but not from India. I asked him if he was from India and he said yes. That my friend, opened a door to start talking with him. Stephen got to tell him that he had been to India before.....that made Justin very excited and he began to share his story with us of how he and his wife came from India to America. He is 70 something years old. They have been living in America for 7 years I think.
We talked for a little while and then Steve and I went to our room. We got a knock on the door. Justin invited us to come have tea in his room the next morning and meet his wife!! We couldn't believe it!! While we were talking to this man in the Lobby, we learned that he was Hindu...and now we were being invited to his house (room)! Stephen and I of course said yes, but we were so nervous! We started praying for him and for the situation.
Next morning we go to his room, meet his wife, and have an Indian breakfast.....which is very spicy stuff, but good....for the most part. ;-) We get to share the gospel with him and just get to know him a little bit. He did not agree that Jesus was the only way to get to heaven. He believed that our God, and all the others were the same God......he didn't like it when we told him that Jesus said that HE was the Only way to the Father. Crazy thing, he's reading the Bible.....he searching.
That afternoon at the conference I felt a strong urge to pray for him to be saved. When I opened my mouth to start praying the Holy Spirit took over and I went into deep intercessory prayer for that man.

Now I have already said that I have the gift of discernment, Stephen I believe has the gift of evangelism....this is how they worked together.
We went into the lobby to see him and immediately I felt this strong demonic presence. We had obviously stirred something up...I guess we were moving in on their territory. It was really bad! I felt them taunting us! I felt this anger rise up inside me, then I began to pray under my breath. Just loud enough for them to hear me.....the whole time Stephen is talking with this man and answering his questions.....Justin began to talk about witch craft and different practices that he and his wife did. Every time he opened his mouth that evil presence began to rumble. The whole time, I am praying for Justin, for Stephen and that God would get rid of those spirits! The cool thing, everytime Stephen would open his mouth to speak it's like they would back off.....run for cover!! They had nothing to fight him with.
Did Stephen feel all this going on? No. God gifted me to be able to feel these things so that I could be praying. I guess in terms of battle, I am the diversion so that Stephen could get in there and fight where it matters!!
It's so awesome how God has gifted each one of us with different gifts and how they all work together.

Moving on

2008-02-20T14:56:00.000-06:00

I'm tired of looking at that post so I thought I would write something else just so that it will move down......I really have nothing to say.

22

2007-12-20T15:59:00.000-06:00

I'm 22 today. Crazy. It doesn’t feel like my birthday. So I'm wondering.....how is it supposed to feel? Happy? Excited? Joyous? A deep sense of self worth? It's your birthday! Everyone's there for you!! It's all about YOU!

Growing up, my mom always made a big deal of our birthdays. We would get to pick out all 3 meals for that day, including the snacks that we wanted. And labor was no object. The cake was our choice too with your favorite ice cream. And the party! Everyone is there just for you lavishing their gifts on you like you are some kind of royalty. (Do not come into my presence with empty hands! How dare you! Throw him out!) And EVERYONE told you Happy Birthday! Completely you centered!! And lets mention the presents again!!!

That is the best thing you can do to a kid to set them up for disappointment! When you grow up, still in the back of your head you have those expectations.........butnothing! You're lucky if 2 people remember that it's your birthday!! I think how you celebrated birthdays growing up will determine how disappointing they are when you grow up!

No Cake, no ice cream, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Natalie Y Jansen

A safe god? or Not

2007-12-14T13:39:00.000-06:00

"The safe god asks nothing of us, gives nothing to us. He never drives us to our knees in hungry, desperate praying and never sets us on our feet in fierce, fixed determination. He never makes us bold to dance. The safe god never whispers in our ears anything but greeting card slogans and certainly never asks that we embarrass ourselves by shouting from the rooftop....A safe god inspires neither awe, nor worship, nor sacrifice." - Mark Buchanan

"Is-is he a man?" asked Lucy.

"Aslan a man!" said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion-the Lion, the great Lion."

"Ooh," said Susan, "I thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."

"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

- C.S. Lewis - Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Natalie Y Jansen

ONE THING CONFERENCE

2007-12-12T04:58:00.000-06:00

Stephen and I are going to the One Thing conference in Kansas City. I am soooo excited! We need this really bad!! And I am really excited that there will be snow! (Watch it melt now)

We are trying to leave on the 27th if I can get someone to fill in for me at work. We have to be there by Friday morning.....we hope to leave on Thursday.

4 days completely focusing on God! How awesome!! I can not even describe how much I am looking forward to this!! Stephen has been to this conference a few times and has told me all about it! One thing that is really cool is that they pray as the new year comes in. For the nation, our leaders! Incredible! Thousands of people coming together to seek God and His desires! Wow. Bring it on.

Stephen's birthday is this Friday. 26 I'm getting a party together for him on Saturday. It's hard to do things in December because everyone is so busy. My birthday is on the 20th so thats even worse. :-)

O money, where art thou

2007-12-05T18:31:00.000-06:00

I know it's better to give than to receive. But what do you do when you don't have anything to give? Can you say BROKE!

....I'm thinking about using some of the wedding gifts that we got that I don't need.

(They'll never know)

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-21T11:21:00.000-06:00

I hope you all have a wonderful time with your families and friends!

Love you guys!

Thank you Lord for

my Husband

my family

our new house

the truck

for my health

my bed

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

warm weather

cold weather

having a job

That I don't have a head ache right now

For fuzzy socks

I don't have to wear shoes right now

Cheese Cake!

for windshields-we got big bugs in TEXAS!

I'm also thankful for everything that God has taught me this year

There is always something to be thankful for. We should always come to God with thanksgiving!

Even if you only have the clothes on your back, that's more than you could have! ;-)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Will it be me?

2007-11-13T15:43:00.000-06:00

I just realized something. 2 years ago I was nervous about singing in church because so many people were watching me. Now I'm nervous because I have learned to ignore them. Sound funny? It's like this......
since God has moved me past being afriad to open my mouth, now I can focus completely on worshiping God. Sometimes I can feel my body lose control and the Holy Spirit begin to take over. I fell this strong desire to dance.....but I stop it because I know what some people will say...I have got to say that when that desire hits me, that is the hardest thing in the world to stop!! ....I guess I feel like I should act "Dignified" since I'm on stage. I almost feel this duty to act "right" since I'm in front. But I see the congregation with thier blank stares and motionless posture as they sing to our King. I don't understand that!

Will it only take one person losing control to free everyone else?

Who will be that person?

It's amazing to me how much people

2007-11-07T12:05:00.000-06:00

THINK they know about the Bible! And yes even those who have been reading it for more years than I have been alive! It's like they just start spouting stuff because it "sounds" right. I really wish the people of God would stop running their mouths and get into the WORD! Not to stereotype or anything, but I think it's the hardest for the older people who have been in the family of God so long and have read the Bible 5 times through. They began to think that they know everything there is to know.......and the trap is set.
If you haven't read the Holy Scriptures today, I strongly advice you to do so. You have been called to be a warrior. And no soldier in a war waits to pick up his sword the day he fights. But he trains DAILY becoming swift and sure with every movement. His life depends on how much better he is than his enemy......

So I found these in my search for answers!

2007-09-11T18:30:00.000-05:00

Numbers 12:6 - he said, "Listen to my words: "When a prophet of the LORD is among you, I reveal myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams.

Deuteronomy 13:1-3 - If a prophet, or one who foretells by dreams, appears among you and announces to you a miraculous sign or wonder, and if the sign or wonder of which he has spoken takes place, and he says, "Let us follow other gods" - "and let us worship them," you must not listen to the words of that prophet or dreamer. The LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul.

13:5 That prophet or dreamer must be put to death, because he preached rebellion against the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt and redeemed you from the land of slavery; he has tried to turn you from the way the LORD your God commanded you to follow. You must purge the evil from among you.

13:6, 8-11 If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, "Let us go and worship other gods" do not yield to him or listen to him. Show him no pity. Do not spare him or shield him. You must certainly put him to death. Your hand must be the first in putting him to death, and then the hands of all the people. Stone him to death, because he tried to turn you away from the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 11 Then all Israel will hear and be afraid, and no one among you will do such an evil thing again.

Seriously, just read all of chapter 13!!

Deuteronomy 18:17-22) The LORD said to me: "What they say is good. I will raise up for them a prophet like you from among their brothers; I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell them everything I command him. If anyone does not listen to my words that the prophet speaks in my name, I myself will call him to account. But a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded him to say, or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods, must be put to death."
You may say to yourselves, "How can we know when a message has not been spoken by the LORD ?" If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the LORD does not take place or come true, that is a message the LORD has not spoken. That prophet has spoken presumptuously. Do not be afraid of him.

Hebrews 1:1-3) In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.-

Last one, because there's too many!

Matthew 7:15 Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.

I actually did it....

2007-09-11T11:52:00.000-05:00

I got i bed before eleven o' clock!
Praise the Lord!

Oh where does time fly

2007-09-10T12:30:00.000-05:00

I am so tired! Why can't I get to bed before 11:00! This is getting ridiculous! I am so exhausted and I have been for 4 months! I am not catching up on my sleep. I get up at 6:30am in the mornng, blink and then it's 12 midnight! God has been showing me that I need to slow down. It's getting bad. I feel like I have so much to do during the day and they keep me up until late at night. When I wake up in the morning my mind is already whirling with everything that I must do that day and even the next day!!

I AM HELD CAPTIVE BY TASKS!

I can't even relax enough to spend time with God. I say a quick prayer in the morning just so that it will ease my conscience. But it doesn't work. And I have sat down to get in His Word and I battle with my mind to focus the entire time! Definitely need to chill! So I am dedicating this week to "chilling out". yes I have a ton of things to do. Yes I am getting behind on laundry. YES I still have boxes that need to be unpacked, bills to pay, phone calls to make, AND a kitchen to clean, all after I get off work at 5. But I will relax in God and do what I can. And I will spend more time doing the things that actually amount to something rather than worrying about the things that are piling up.

I hate when someone turns the water off

2007-08-30T13:07:00.000-05:00

but doesn't turn the shower nozzle off too!!! Oh but the frustrations in the morning!

I'm looking for an answer

2007-08-29T13:24:00.000-05:00

I'm working at the church now part time. I didnt sign up for classes this semester....newly married and all....still trying to figure that one out ~:- But things are great!!

I had a question though that I can't find an answer to.......I've looked through God's word and the only thing that I can find is that God is going to kill this person. I know, it's harsh....but read Jer. 23 and 28 and you'll see what I mean!!

My question ( if anybody even reads this) is......if a person is known to be a ( now day) prophet and are known for receiving word from the Lord as a prophet and they get something terribly wrong.......are they a false prophet? Quite honestly, after reading Jer. I am just a little freaked out. Not by prophesy, but by the seriousness of it. I mean...we're not talking about a little encouragement from one brother to another.....we are talking about the SPOKEN WORD of GOD! And that's a very serious thing!! God killed prophets in the old testement that proclaimed in God's name but were wrong. Jeremiah 28 for example.

Comments would be appreciated.

Natalie Y Jansen

It's freezing!

2007-01-17T20:37:00.000-06:00

So classes started yesterday!! I've got to say that it was so cold at 6:30 yesterday morning when I left the house!! I don't know why they couldn't just cancel classes! It was just the first day AND...........IT WAS SNOWING!!! Can you believe it??? ha ha!
But I made it safely!! The ice wasn't so bad!

There was enough snow for Sarah to make a snowball!! :-)

Natalie Y Hill

I welcome you 2007

2007-01-02T20:50:00.000-06:00

Goodbye 2006!

What a year!! I must say that it was a very good year!! So much happened....some good some bad. But the Lord was good through it all. I've got to say that the best thing that the Lord did this year for me was to bring Stephen and I together!! :-)

I am glad that the year is over, because that means that I can go on to the next. But I am a little nervous as to what this new year will bring.
I know that I shouldn't be anxious because the Lord says not to be. But that's a lot easier said than done. I have an excitement as to what the new year will bring, but I am also nervous! I know there will be a lot of decisions that will have to be made! But just as everyone, I continue on into the unknown, seeking God with every step I take.

Natalie Y Hill

Not giving up!

2006-12-01T15:50:00.000-06:00

Do you ever get tired of praying for the same thing over and over again? Well, I do!
I have tried to stay committed to asking God about us moving, and I haven't done a very good job! In fact, it like it slips my mind. How could something that I want so much slip my mind.......how could I forget to ask God about it?
My parents have invited some people over to night to pray about selling the house. I am excited about this! I'm hoping that this will help me get my focus back again! We can't give up!

We have decorated the house for Christmas!! I'm so excited!! We have the tree up and it's so pretty!! And I put the lights up outside!! It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! :-) (Sorry, I had to!) And I am very much enjoying the cold weather!! That's so awesome!! To bad it will be gone again! TEXAS weather! You never know.

Natalie Y Hill

Things I'm Thankful For

2006-11-22T15:35:00.000-06:00

Quick note to go with the last post- I would like to expound but it would take to long in writing.

I am thankful for:

Stephen - he is so amazing
Mom and Dad
Sarah, Kristen and my brother in law, Nick - and the baby that's coming!
Jennifer, and my other really great friends
my nice house
car that actually drives :-)
my church
what health I have
college group- there are other young people that actually love God and are willing to serve Him
being able to sing and play the guitar
people that are wiser than me that speak wisdom, knowledge and understanding into me
being able to hear God when he speaks

the lamp by my bed that I read by
my favorite blanket
4 pillows!!
shoes
clothes
Hagen Daas chocolate ice cream! - it has no wheat in it!!
Reese's peanut butter cups
Coke, pepsi, Dr. pepper, and sweet tea
WING STOP!
I DON'T have a head ache right now!
the cold weather
carpet
paved roads ;-)

Natalie Y Hill

Thanksgiving plans

2006-11-22T14:46:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I am going with my family to see my mom's sister and her family! Nick and Kristen are going with us! And Stephen is going too! We will be leaving tomorrow morning around 8:30am and heading to Houston. We will spend the day there and then head back that afternoon. Then me and Stephen are going to spend time with his mom's family that night!! It will be a full day but it will be fun! And there will be plenty of good food!! My Aunt is a great cook! (isn't that what thanksgiving is about?? I think, NOT!!! )
I think it is really sad that I never think of being thankful until the day that I am [supposed] to be thankful...Or the week of. But I have to admit that I have failed in being thankful the rest of the time. I get so distracted by the things that are not working the way I want them to, and in doing so I become ungrateful and complain! I don't understand why God puts up with me!?? (Grace, grace, God's grace!)

I hope you guys have a wonderful thanksgiving!!

Natalie Y Hill

Things To Come

2006-11-13T14:35:00.000-06:00

I wonder sometimes what God will have me doing in the future. O.K. I think about it all the time! There are things that I would love to do!

I have thought for a long time that God would eventually ask me to go to some country and live there! But that confused me. I have never had a desire to live somewhere else. BUT, I did have a very strong desire to travel and see different people and share the gospel! But not to one people group!

I want to go everywhere! I don't know what that will mean or what God will have me doing!

I'm getting impatient. Because when I look ahead at what I think I need to do to get ready for that it can be overwhelming! I'm just ready for things to get going!! ha ha!
I'm trying to focus on the now....but that's really hard to do when I'm wanting the later so bad! :-)

*Pictures from Costa Rica

Natalie Y Hill

I know, I know!

2006-11-04T19:40:00.000-06:00

It's not even Thanksgiving yet.......but I am ready for Christmas! If you have a problem with that....I DON'T CARE!!
I love the decorations, and the lights and the music! I love the cold weather that we never have!! Gathering around a bonfire with your friends!! That's awesome!!

"yeah, merry Christmas."

<--- Does this freak ya'll out!?! It does me!!

Natalie Y Hill

Just a Thought

2006-11-02T15:35:00.000-06:00

I have a question. Would God call you to a job that you did not find any joy in? I don't mean that you necessarily have to love the work.......but to find no joy, no fulfilment?? " For the JOY set before him, he endured the cross..." Christ's suffering was a horrible thing. He did not enjoy it....that goes with out saying. But there had to be fulfillment in knowing that the Father was pleased with Him, and that he was doing what God had asked of him! He was obedient!

Just a thought.

Natalie Y Hill

And It's Over

2006-10-30T18:25:00.000-06:00

Well, the wedding is over and it went really well!! It was a really beautiful wedding! But I'm glad that it's over. ha ha!! And I have to admit....I did cry a little bit. Come on, it was my little sister!

So my sister is now married.......I have a brother in law! that's crazy! ( and a little unfair!) ha ha!!

We have been watching her stupid dog while they are on their honey moon. I think I am going to kill it!! It's so nasty!!! It is not house trained!! And it is so spoiled!! It cries when it doesn't get it's way!!! lol I mean just look at the thing........it's evil!!

Natalie Y Hill

The two of us

2006-10-26T14:33:00.000-05:00

So let me say that Stephen Jansen is so amazing!! :-) GOD is really blessing us and it is so incredible! And the greatest thing in the world is having the peace that we are doing exactly what God wants us to do!! I must say that I am enjoying this very much!! ha ha!

And we have committed to staying committed to God before anything else! Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. Then other times it's no problem.

We have made a commitment not to kiss until we get married! And let me say that it's not one of the easiest things that God has asked of us!! And it's definitely not the most fun! lol But the satisfaction that I feel in God makes up for it!!

I didn't mean to just talk about that..........O.K. yes I did!! ha ha! But he's just so awesome I can't help it!! ;-)

Natalie Y Hill

Oh my Gosh...I'm an Aunt!

2006-10-25T14:25:00.000-05:00

Kristen found out that she is having a little girl!! ha ha!!
I laugh only because she was convinced that it was a boy!! But now they have to pick out a girl name! lol

Something that is just not sinking in about this whole thing is that if she is having a baby, then that makes me an Aunt! That is so weird! But I think I will have fun with this! Now I can buy all these cute clothes for her!! And I can have fun playing with her and when I'm tired I can send her back to her mother!! ha ha ha!!
But this is going to make things really different! Well, everything will change Saturday!
You guys please pray that everything will work out smoothly!! Weddings are no fun until they start!! lol Until then, they're just one big stressful mess!!! ;-)

Natalie Y Hill

She's Growing Up

2006-10-24T17:50:00.000-05:00

My little sister is about to get married!! How can this be.........when did she grow up!?! I never thought this day would come. I remember when we were younger and playing out side in our Grandpa's garden! ha ha! Yep, we got dirty! We would play out there for HOURS!! It was the greatest! We would play with our big Tonka trucks and make cities and roads. And getting lost in the jungle behind all those rows of corn was definitely a hit!! lol
And then there was the hotwheels!! heck yeah! O.K. we did play with Barbies sometimes........when it was raining. ;-)
But some how we have grown up, and with out even noticing!! She is going to get married this Saturday! It will be a very strange thing!
We have a lot of planning still to do. That's not going to be fun! But I know that everything will work out o.k.......I'm just going to keep my opinions to myself! lol

I hope you all are doing well?

Natalie Y Hill

Blessings

2006-10-18T12:43:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about this past year and everything that has happened! God has blessed me so much! He has blessed me tremendously in music. God has given me so many opportunities to sing and play that I never thought possible :-) And God has given me two opportunities this week to sing.
I am leading for the youth tonight, and on Saturday I am leading for a women's conference!! (I'm more nervous about the youth) lol But it is going to be fun!

God has also blessed me in a relationship with the greatest guy in the world!! It's amazing!! HE IS SO AWESOME! ;-)

Natalie Y Hill

Revival in Dibol

2006-10-02T13:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the first day of the revival at 1st Baptist in Dibol. Bro. John is preaching and Joel is leading the music! It was really hard during practice! The sound system wasn't working right at first and so we had a hard practice!! But that's what is so amazing!! We didn't get to go over all the songs, but when it was time to start everything worked fine!! It was so cool! God really moved in there last night! And God gave a word to pastor John and he spoke it and didn't hold back!! lol It was really awesome!! I am very excited to see what will happen to night!!
God has some plans for that little church in Dibol! If the people will humble themselves and receive what the Lord has for them. It will be good!!!

Natalie Y Hill

What's up

2006-09-30T15:45:00.000-05:00

So we have been trying to sell our house. It has been a very tiring process! We almost had it sold, but then it fell through. And not we are living in a house full of boxes! ha ha! There are boxes ( boxen lol) everywhere!! It's funny..........but we're not about to unpack that stuff! It took to long to get it in there!! :-) And we don't have any idea when we are going to move. It could be 2 weeks from now or 2 months. But oh well.
I am really excited! This Sunday night Pastor John is going to be preaching at a revival in Dibol. It's Sunday night through Wednesday night. Joel is going to be doing the music and he asked me to sing with him! That's going to be fun. I am really excited! And Stephen is going to be playing the drums. :-) So that is awesome!!

Well, I guess that's all for now!

Natalie Y Hill

Boxes everywhere!

2006-08-31T15:54:00.000-05:00

2 Days ago I wrote that the surveyor came early that morning but had left and hadn't come back yet. Well, he never did. It was a big deal! So they are not going to have it done today. And apparently this guy knew about this job 3 weeks ago but just now started working on it. So now it's not going to be done by tomorrow, which is the dead line on the contracts.
But they have extended the closing date! It will now be on the 5th of September. This is not good. This would not be that bad except that it's not just affecting us. It is also affecting us buying the Cottons house, and it's keeping them from buying the house that they want! And so it's affecting THOSE people!!

But the surveyor finally came out today. I think he finished measuring off everything. So now he just has to finish the paper work. But he will definitely be through by Tuesday.

This has been a very tiring process. i will be so glad when it's all over!!!

There are boxes EVERYWHERE!!!! We have most of the house packed up. I will also be glad when we can get these boxes out of the way!!

Natalie Y Hill

Why the last minute!?!

2006-08-29T17:58:00.000-05:00

It's really hard to sit and wait!! In fact, it is horrible. The surveyor that is surveying our land for the people buying it was here early this morning. But he didn't have the deed to the land so he couldn't do anything. So he left to go to the court house to find it. But it's already 3:20p and he's still not back.
Time is dwindling down. We are supposed to close everything Thursday. If the land isn't in the peoples name by Thursday, then ALL the contracts are terminated!!

We truly believe that God is wanting us to move, so I have to trust that God's working it out. Because we have done everything that we were required to do. We have been obedient on our end!! So now we must wait. I am going to repeat something I said in a previous blog..........
" 'I think God waits sometimes to the last minute to answer a prayer for "Dramatic Affect'! " He totally believes in Him self!! lol He knows He won't fail!! But those times when he waits to the last minute sure stretches your faith!! But he does it to make Himself look good!! And it always does!! He loves making himself look good..........AND He's so GOOD at it!!!
So what ever happens, he's going to look good.............because he can't look bad!! lol
I'll keep posting what's going on!!

Natalie Y Hill

AC This Spring

2006-08-24T15:43:00.001-05:00

So I'm thinking about starting at AC in the spring. I don't really want to. I have not felt in the past that it was the right time. But now...I'm not feeling ANYTHING!! God is not giving me a definite answer. But I have decided that I am just going to move forward with it and if it doesn't happen, I am no worse off.
God has not told me that "Yes, i want you to start at AC this spring" but he has told me that he wants me to move towards that..........even if it doesn't work out! So that makes me feel like I will start...but he didn't say that I will..... just that I need to try! grrr..............this is going to be interesting!!

So let me say again that I am sooooooo glad that Stephen and I are dating!! :-) And I don't mean to sound like a little school girl.......but If I do, I'm not apologizing!! ha ha!! He's so awesome!! But I think what I love about him most is his relationship with God. Because he is so sensitive to the Spirit. God speaks to him and shows him things. But he is so humble!!
We have been dating 5 weeks today. ( and yes, I actually remembered that!! I'm so proud of myself!!)

Natalie Y Hill

he DIDN'T WIN

2006-08-22T16:36:00.000-05:00

1st Peter 1:3-7

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

The refiner's fire.

Sarah Moore is the one who reminded me of these verses and was yet another confirmation that God is testing my faith in Him. It has not been an easy process.......in fact it has been down right painful at times. But what God is teaching me is that I must stand on His truth and not on what I feel or on what some one else says that God has for me!! It's funny and sort of ridiculous how you can know something, but until you actually experience it for your self, you really don't know the true meaning of it.
Satan has brought one blow after the other. He has used everything he can to get me to doubt God. He has over whelmed my mind with doubt to the point that I literally felt physically sick! He has even used someone that I am close to and respect very much to try and turn me away from what God has told me - telling me that God told them this and it was completely opposite from what God had told me!! This has been very hard!!
Something that was hard to deal with was that God told me that He was not going to stop Satan from attacking me. But that I had to stand on what HE had told me, even if my mind began to waver and my stomach was in knots. God told me that he was allowing me to go through a testing time and teaching me to stand on his word, rather than relying only on whether or not I "feel" like it's the right thing!! In my heart I never doubted. But my mind had other idea's. But I resisted the enemy's lies and FINALLY Sunday night after church I felt Satan give up and back off.

I am very much aware that he will be back............but he didn't win!!! And this has made my faith stronger!! So I will be better equipped for the battle when I should face it again. But it hasn't been easy!! It is a horrible feeling to think that you are outside of God's will when you were SO sure that you were doing exactly what He wanted!! But it's during those times that the lies come the hardest. If Satan can get you to doubt, he demobilizes you with fear - Keeping you from doing the very thing that God has called you to do!! And robbing you of the blessing of joy that comes with walking with the Father!!
So we must not let him steel our Joy. And we must keep pressing in and getting deeper into Him. For there is NOTHING better than knowing God in a very intimate way!!

Natalie Y Hill

It's Not Mine

2006-08-17T18:27:00.000-05:00

I have to tell you something.

I'm not saying that this happened to me, because it didn't!! This would never happen to me so I don't know why you are even thinking that! BECAUSE IT DIDN'T!!!

O.K...........there was this person and they were at a pool. They wrapped their towel around their phone and forgot about it. When they grabbed the towel to dry off, the phone slipped and fell into the pool with them. The sound of the water when the phone hit made my......umm, their heart stop. They grabbed it as fast as they could. And it worked fine when they first got it out. but now it's making funny noises, and the screen doesn't work! So my phone is blind again!!! I can still call people and get calls, I just can't see whos calling or who I'm calling.
I mean their phone........did I say mine?.....I meant THEIR phone. Because it wasn't mine! It was someone else's. I mean I wouldn't be that careless with my things. And besides my phone is not that important to me that I have to have it by my side every minute, so I wouldn't have brought it out to the pool anyways!! I know some people's phones are so important that they would actually take up a whole blog space just to write about it........BUT NOT ME!!! No sir! I wouldn't do that!! I have more important things to write about!!

Natalie Y Hill

A new look

2006-08-15T15:12:00.000-05:00

Thought I would change up my blog!! I think it was time for a change!!

Crazy stuff with our house.........

An appraiser just came out to look at our house. Everything falls on what she thought about it. If she says that the house isn't worth what we are asking, then everything is going to fall through. But if the house is worth more than we are asking ( and I think that it is) then everything will go on as planned.
If it doesn't it will mess up everything..........for the people that are buying our house, and for the people that we are buying from. EVERYTHING is riding on them buying ours. I'm a little nervous about this. But God has done everything with this whole process, so what ever happens I am going to trust Him. :-)

Kristen is getting married in 2 months. I can't believe that. She's not supposed to get married before me!!! jk no it's not a joke!! yes it is, no it's not!! lol
But things are really crazy right now. We are getting ready for the wedding and worrying about moving. Perfect timing. :-P
She's also about to have a baby. Well, I say about to, but it's not coming until March. So things will really get crazy then.
I'm really tired by the way.........

I'm really excited about the things that God is doing in our college ministry!!
God told me and showed me a few weeks ago that his desire for our college ministry is for us to be like the first church, specifically like the Acts church. God has made that very clear that that is His desire! And we are at the beginning stages..........He is already moving in that direction. I think that some of the things that have been happening is kinda scaring people! ha ha ha!!! Because it's been some 'non-baptist' things! lol God has really been stretching us and pulling us farther than we have gone before. AND IT'S AMAZING!! And I truly believe that it is going to spread to the rest of HHBC! It is already slowly seeping in!! lol But we must pray for boldness, that we will not stop doing what God is asking us to do just because ppl think that it's a little weird,...." we've never done that before". And that we will not be passive!! I know we will encounter resistance when we follow God's battle plan. But we must remain strong!!
But through everything, God's glory will shine brighter than anything that we do!!

Natalie Y Hill

Opps, I for got :-)

2006-08-11T12:03:00.000-05:00

So yeah...............I forgot that I had this. lol Can't believe that!!

Wow, lot's of things have happened over the past few months that makes it feel like it's been 2 years since I have blogged!!

Where to start. Well.....let's start with something good!! Stephen and I are dating now!! yay!!! Stephen is such an awesome person. The greatest thing about him is his love for God and the passion that is in his relationship with Him.
But I have to stop here and give God some praise!! :-) In everything that has happened, God was right in the middle of it. Sometimes it was really hard to see that. But what He was trying to teach and grow in me was that His timing is PERFECT and it is SATISFYING. The process at times feels very slow ;-) but nothing can compare with the awesome joy that comes at the end of the wait. And when at the right time God births something new, His glory shines from all around it. And so at the end God is glorified, and we are hidden!!

We are finally moving!! Praise the Lord!!! We have found a house in Hudson. And it was so crazy, another God thing.........the day we singed our house over to the ppl that are buying it from us, we also signed the papers on the house we are buying in Hudson!! It was great!!
We've had a little bit of trouble with the ppl that are buying our house.........the firm that they are using are........well dishonest. There's just no nice way of putting it. So it's been kind of a long process of working this out because we are constantly having to check every little detail to make sure they are not throwing something into the contract that they aren't supposed to. Then when we find something, it just takes that much longer to redo the contract and for us to go over it again!! It's getting a little old. But everything has to be finished by the 31st. So we won't have to deal with this much longer!!

I'm still singing!! And I'm loving it!! it's so awesome to see how God uses that!! Because I know that it's not me..........there's no way!! Like in Costa Rica, the ppl had no idea what I was singing and yet it touched them. Through the Holy Spirit, they were able to see and Worship God, even when they couldn't with their human ears understand. God is amazing!!

Speaking of which. God is up to something!! (haha.....He always up to something!!)
God is getting ready to birth something new in our college ministry. I don't know what it is, but it's coming!! And it's not going to stop there. it is going to spread to the rest of the church!! He is getting ready to pour His Spirit out on His ppl!! I just don't know when it will happen. But Jesus said in Acts 1:7 that " It is not for you to know the times and dates the Father has set by his own authority." But we are to trust that his word is true, and that it does not come back void!! He does not go back on his word, nor does he tease. If He says something is going to happen, we must have faith that it will, and fight for it!! With the pouring down of the Spirit also comes the attack from the enemy. So It is a Call To Arms!!! And we must be ready!! This Day We Fight!! Heck Yeah!!! :-)

I think I'm going to stop there before this gets ridiculously long. :-)

Natalie Y Hill

Prayer Request!!

2006-06-16T01:05:00.000-05:00

hey guys!!

I have an opportunity to go to Costa Rica on the 4th through the 15th of July! i am very excited about this!
I can give more details later as to what I will be doing. as of right now, the only thing that I know is that we will be doing a VBS during the day. And I think that I will be working with the youth in the church the rest of the time, talking with them and playing my guitar and singing!
Please keep me in your prayers about that.

But also the dreaded waiting for funds. I need $600 by Tuesday. i know God can do that!! but I would appreciate it if you would help me ask! :-)

I will try to keep you up dated........if anyone even reads this anymore. :S

Thanks for your prayers!!

Natalie y Hill

Dear Lord

2006-06-08T01:45:00.001-05:00

Dear Lord,

There are things that only You can handle. Things that only You understand. Situations that only You orchestrate.
And when we go through times of uncertainty, confusion, doubt, fear, STRESS!!! it is only YOU that remains steadfast!! Unchanging!!

Who You are does not rely on what I'm currently surrounded by!!

I can not even come close to shaping in my own mind who I think You are based on my current situations, for they are always changing. Whether for good or for bad.

But You never change! You never fail! You always make the right choice! You make the right calls. You push at the right time, and You pull! Sometimes You bless, and sometimes You take away!!

But God, I want to praise You no matter what happens to me!! I want You to be glorified, even if it is at my expense!!

Natalie Y Hill

Updating...............NOW

2006-05-14T20:07:00.000-05:00

O.K. Justin, I'm updating now!! lol

Well, I'm getting VERY excited about this Friday!! Oh my gosh!! I can't believe that our concert is only 5 days away!! I'm getting really anxious! And Friday night at the Relay for Life didn't help!! Jenn and I played there at 12am.
And let me say that that was the most awkward thing I have ever done in my life!! ha ha!! (Midnight Madness) They were doing Relay races behind us! And this one game they played, you know the one where you get a balloon and run to your chair and sit on it to pop it, WELL.........they decided to play that while Jenn and I were singing!! At first we thought that it was Chelsi's drums(she played with an electric set) but I finally noticed that it was the balloons that were making all those LOUD popping noises!! ha ha ha!!!
But we had a really fun time!! And we even had a guy from the Lufkin Daily kind of interview Jenn after we were through. He heard her put in a plug for our tour this summer so he was asking her about it!! That was funny!! :-)

So yeah, I'm excited about Friday!! I can't wait!! I don't know how many ppl will be there, but it could be a lot!! THAT makes me nervous!! But it will be fun!!

So, things are a little crazy right now! Ryan will no longer be doing the music for Solomon's Porch, so we will have to find someone to take his place!! JONATHAN MARTIN :-) is doing it this Wednesday!! I'm going to sing with him!! That should be fun!!

Anywho, That's all I've gots to say right now. lol I'm going to go watch What About Bob lol
I've only seen half of it so I need to finish it. It is hilarious!!

Talk to you later!!

Natalie y. Hill

Hey Guys!!

2006-05-03T12:53:00.000-05:00

Hey Guys!!

Wow!! This past week was crazy!! Thursday morning Stephen and I left for Dallas at 9:00. We went to DBU for a while because he wanted to see some of his friends. (that was awesome because I got to see the campus!! :-) But from there we went to the ESL/EFL conference ( Preparing to teach conversational English ) Our church is sending I believe 2 teams this summer to Ukraine to set up a 2 week school for teaching conversational English. The conference went until Saturday. We left there at 11:00am and went straight to Brandon's where we immediately started recording!! :-) We recorded from 12 to 7:00 that night!! But I'm sure that Jenn was feeling it a lot more than Stephen and I. Her and Brandon had been working on it since 8:00am that morning, I believe is what she said!!! But the recording went really well!! And Brandon is awesome!! He worked like all day on it and then some the next day!!
Oh and guys..........Jennifer's song that she wrote was so incredible!!! It gave me chills when I listened to it!! She is amazing and I can't wait to sing with her this summer!! Stephen is awesome too!! He played percussion for us and it added so much to the sound!!

So yeah, the recording went really well and I'm so excited!! That was a lot of fun!!
Hey if you're interested in a cd ;-) just let me know!! :D
And you guys go and check out our website!! AND SIGN our guest book!! :D http://www.freewebs.com/jenniferandnatalie/index.htm

Anyways, I have to go!! Hope you guys are doing O.K? Talk to you later!!

Natalie Y. Hill

Here's the song

2006-04-20T22:40:00.000-05:00

This is a song that I have been working on for a couple of weeks! I just finished it yesterday!
It's not the greatest song ever. It doesn't have eloquent words, or a great tune, but it means a lot to me because I know that God gave it to me!
I was feeling pretty bad that day. I was discontent, unsatisfied in where I was. And I'll be honest as to what the main reason was. I was unsatisfied with being single. And I began to question God. " I desire these things but you do not give them to me!!"
I knew in my heart that this wasn't right! But my feelings at that point seemed to master over my heart!
Then God whispered " Natalie. The very thing that you want, you want because it reminds you of me. Nothing or nobody can satisfy you like I can! No one knows you like I do! And no one can stir you inside and touch you so intimately as I can! The things that you want in a relationship are just a copy! They're NOT the real deal! I AM the real deal! This is what your heart is really wanting!!"
I began to pray! I pushed my feelings aside and just let my heart cry! "God I want you to satisfy me! I want you to go to the places in my heart that feel empty and fill them ALL with you! Every desire that I have I want you to satisfy them in a way that NO ONE can!!"
I spent a lot of time in prayer, just letting my Father soothe me inside. And from that time in prayer came this song.

(temporarily removed)

Like I said, It's not the greatest, but God used it!! :-) And Maybe he will use it to help someone else like he helped me! I hope so!

Natalie Y Hill

I don't have a title

2006-04-17T19:04:00.000-05:00

We are moving forward with selling the house. We are going to sell it to my cousin. If they get approved for the loan, then we will more than likely be moving by this summer.
This fact really blows me away! This is going to be a hard time for our family! I know good will come of it, but it will be difficult too. And we are already having problems with my dad's family!! They do not approve of this decision and are trying to guilt us into staying! But we know this is what God is wanting us to focus on. I guess I don't know if he really wants us to move, but I do know that he wants us to keep trying!

This week is going to be hectic as usual. Tomorrow I have to be at church at 6:30p to work with the girls that sing in the youth band. And then after the youth practice is over ( around 8:30-45 ) then I will have to practice for the college band!
Then back to the church wednesday at 5:30p. Then at 6:30 the youth starts. 8:30 Solomon's Porch starts.

I decided to stop there. I'm getting tired thinking about it! ha ha!!

We are going to get a car this week. Maybe tomorrow. I think we are going to Loving Toyota. But we have to see if my dad will get in early enough!! :-) Thank God!!! We need a new car sooooooo bad!!!

Oh, the college group went to Piney Woods Saturday!! It was wonderful!! We spent the WHOLE day there. It was AMAZING!!! We just played on the lake, in the pool, we played v-ball and B-ball. And that was all we did all day!! it was so relaxing!!! And we had a wonderful time!!!

Well, That's enough!! I guess I will stop here!! :-D

Natalie Y. Hill

So I'm probably moving....

2006-04-11T13:33:00.000-05:00

We have been praying about his for a while. But it seems that God is working it all out!

Until yesterday, it was just something that we were praying about. but we got a call yesterday from my cousin. Her and her husband had heard that we were thinking about moving. She said that they are interested in buying our house if we move!! that blew us away!! That was one of the things that was worrying us. We have to sell the house before we can buy a house. And God is already providing someone before we have even talked about putting it up for sell.
And it would be such a blessing to have it stay in the family!! ( I can't explain how important that is to my dad! )
But it appears that it is what God is wanting! There have been other things that have confirmed this!!
Don't worry...........We're moving to Hudson!! ha ha!!!

But I am excited to see what comes of this!! It is going to be very hard! I have lived here for 20 years. To leave now is going to be tough!!

Natalie Y. Hill

GOD BLEW ME AWAY

2006-04-05T15:20:00.000-05:00

Man the things that God does!

I must say that this past weekend was out of this world!! I have never been around a woman of God that was SO in tune with His Spirit!! God blew me away through Patti Foster!!
She was the speaker at the women's retreat that Jenn and I lead in music!
Oh that I could be like her now, and not wait until I am her age!! To have wisdom that is beyond my years!! ( James 1:5 ) Can it come so easy as to just ask!?!
God spoke to me and stirred my Spirit like nothing else!! He caused me to fall more in love with Him. He left me yearning for such an intimate relationship with him; to go deeper than I ever have before!! Oh I have much to learn, and have so much growing to do!!
But I know that God is going to take me deeper into Him!! It is my prayer and it is becoming all I think about!!
I feel weird telling this, but it is the truth.

Natalie Y. Hill

What to say.....

2006-03-28T18:35:00.000-06:00

I feel like I have so much to say, but I can't seem to find words for them!! I hate when I get like that!! :S

The women's conference was wonderful!! God was so amazing!!! And God blessed Jennifer and I so much through that experience!! Man, it is just unbelievable to me that God allowed us to do that!
I know that God has called me to lead people to worship God in music at this point in my life........and He has given me such a strong desire to do that!! I love how He does that!! Like in Psalm 37:4 where it says " Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." How wonderful to know that if I love and follow after Jesus, that my Father who is in Heaven, will put a desire in my heart to serve Him and place my where I need to be in order to do that!! the Lord is good!!

Well, preparations for the tour this summer are coming along! There are still details to work out so please keep Jonathan, Jennifer, and I in your prayers as we work out it all out. We all know that this is what God wants for us!! So now we have to trust Him that He will work it all out!!
I am so excited about singing with Jennifer and going on tour with Jonathan!! They are so amazing!! God has gifted them tremendously!! And I can't believe that I am going to be able to sing with them!!! How cool is that!! They are going places man!! ( maybe they will take me with them!!! lol )

Jenn and I are going to record a few songs at the end of next month! So I am very excited about that!! But I am also really nervous! That scares me more than going on tour!! lol But I know that it will be fun! it completely blows me away that we are doing this!! Man!! And it's happening so fast!! ( Isn't it Jennifer!!??? lol )

We ( Jenn and I ) are going to be leading the women of Harmony Hill to worship God in music this weekend!! I am really nervous about this one and I don't know why.......well, I do know why - I just can't say!! But please pray for Jenn and I because Satan is already trying to discourage us. Which means that the Spirit is already at work and Satan is trying to stop it!! But God WILL have victory!! Satan can't stand against the Lord's saints when they pray!! So pray for God's hand upon the leadership that is bringing this together. And for the speaker. Pray for the ladies that will be coming!
I truly believe that this is another step in God's plan for Harmony Hill!!
We had a revival service last week!! But God doesn't want it to stop there!! It's time for change!! Past time!! And just as Michael Gott said on Tuesday night of the revival, " What are we waiting for? God has called! Why wait?" We don't need words anymore!! Good intentions get us no where if they're not put into action!!

Anywho! That's about it right now!! Oh....

Sarah, do you remember the Scripture that Scott gave us Sunday night!! I remembered yours - Isaiah 55:5. but I can't remember the one he had. I lost that paper!

Talk to you people later!!! ;-D

Natalie Y. Hill

God is up to something!!

2006-03-23T13:55:00.000-06:00

Wow!! The revival was so awesome!! God was so amazing!! God has just put this excitement in my heart!! And I know that things will happen!! He is all about HIS glory!! And He will be glorified no matter what!!

So I have some news! Jonathan Martin is getting a tour together this summer!!! And Jennifer Conn and I will be opening for him!! I am so excited!!! We will be going all over Texas singing!!! And it's amazing to me how God is pulling it all together!!!

It's so exciting to see how God has opened the door for me to sing!! it is wonderful!!
Jenn and I are leading in worship for 1st Baptist in Huntington this Saturday. And then they have asked us to come back Sunday morning to lead for their morning service! How cool is that!?! and then next weekend we will lead for the Harmony Hill women's retreat! That will be Friday and Saturday!

I am just so happy that I am able to serve God in this way! He has put the desire in my heart to sing for Him, and by His mercy and grace He is allowing me to!! This Joy comes to me when I sing for Him that i can't describe!! I'm just glad that He has allowed me to do this!!!

God is doing so many things in my life right now!!! Some of it He has let me in on!! But some, i can only feel His movement!!! God is up to something!! And that rocks!!! :-D

Natalie y. Hill

Just Writing

2006-03-07T10:54:00.000-06:00

So I'm really not sure what to write. I thought that I would just go for it and see what comes. :-)

I'm really excited about this Sunday. The band will be doing " The Revelation Song". I'm not sure if I will be singing on that one because I am going to do sign language. It's pretty cool what God is doing in our church. He put it on Teresa Wier's heart to do this song with sign language. It's going to be incredible. There will be around 20 of us that will do it. And it is going to look so cool!! And that is such an awesome song and has God's anointing on it!

Speaking of Teresa. She is so awesome! I look up to her so much. She has such a sweet Spirit about her. And I really respect her a lot. And she is a godly mother and wife. AND!!!.............she has the most amazing voice!! I love when I can sing with her on Sundays!! Because I know that she means what she is singing. She really worships God!! She encourages me so much!!.......but I don't think she even knows it! Maybe I should tell her! :o)

Andywayz.

Larry, Donna, Stephen, and Shelley Jansen, and Jennifer conn - ( by the way.....that girl can SANG!!!!!) - Anyways, they came over Saturday night. We built a fire outside and sat around it! It was fun. Jenn and I played our guitars and sang!! I love singing with her!!! :-)

Well, I think I'm going to stop there before it gets to long. ;-)

Natalie Y. Hill

Matthew 18:19-20

2006-03-02T18:10:00.000-06:00

God is doing some really awesome things! Through the 21 days of fasting that our church is doing, God is taking us so much deeper into Him! I am Very excited about the things He is doing! God is so amazing!

One thing that He is teaching me through this time is that there is power in numbers. (Matthew 18:19-20) God promised that He would answer our prayers if "two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by my Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." So I have asked a couple of people to help me pray about some things through this time. Because I am believing what God said! But, I do not over look James 4:3 where it says, " You ask and do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures."
We are obviously not asking with wrong motives because God is answering our prayers. It is very cool!

Oh, and I have an opportunity, Jennifer and I, to lead worship for a women's retreat that our church is doing on March 31st, and April 1st!!! Ronda Foster asked me last night!! I couldn't believe it!! God is so amazing!! That's the weekend after the one we're doing in Huntington!! I am so excited!! God is truly awesome!!

Sometimes I Wonder

2006-02-28T12:30:00.000-06:00

if God waits to the last minute to answer a prayer for "Dramatic Effect"!!

The Attacks Keep Coming With No Sign of Relief!

2006-02-24T15:01:00.001-06:00

I'm going to tell you something that has to do with an on going joke that has been going on for a while about our family. :-) It has to do with our vehicle situation.

But this is no longer funny. I realize now that it is a direct attack on our family from the enemy.
This morning my mom drove the van, that we are borrowing, to pick up one of Sarah's friends. When she started the van to leave their house, it wouldn't start. It is still sitting in their drive.

I have really been thinking about this for a while.
Our family is so involved in our church, with so many different ministries. And we depend on our vehicles so much, because we live so far away. When our car broke down a few months ago, it was so hard for all five of us to fit in that little truck. And a lot of times, someone would stay home because we didn't want to ride in the truck like that.
Then we got the van. It looked like crap, but it got us where we needed to go comfortably. Now, we're back to having one truck again. The enemy has tried everything they can to keep us from going to that church, since we first joined. And let me tell you, they came close a few times to winning.
This is very discouraging. And this is costing us so much money.

But at least I am aware of the attack. It's just one thing after another! Please pray for our family if you think about it! Our family has been undergoing some tough Spiritual warfare for a while now, and not just with the vehicles. We're getting tired. We need relief.

Natalie Y. Hill

Adding to the last post, becasue I know you want to know.

2006-02-23T13:15:00.000-06:00

So, I had to let you know that God has healed my phone!! ha ha!!
He restored it's sight!! It was pretty cool!!

You may laugh becasue I prayed over it.......but I can't afford to buy a new one!! :D I was at the youth group last night and after it was over, I turned my phone on again and it worked!! it was funny becasue I was showing Lindsay Hollowell that it wasn't working, and then it worked!!

So that was nice!!

:-D

Natalie y. Hill

IF ONLY IT COULD SEE!!

2006-02-22T14:32:00.000-06:00

So I got my retainer today. Now my gums are sore. Hate the thing already!! And I had to wait in the waiting room for a whole hour, just to have him stick it in my mouth and say, " Alright, you can go!" ( grrr ) That was great.

MY PHONE IS BLIND!! This is a very sad fact indeed.
Let me explain. While I was on my way this morning to pick up the retainer, that I hate already, this idiot stopped right in front of me!! So I threw on the brakes! I "HAD" a big glass of water in between the seats beside me. It was now all over the floor. The lid had popped off and so it spilt Everywhere> My phone, that "WAS" on the seat next to me, was now in the floor floating in the swimming pool!! Because I had to keep an eye on the moron in front of me, I couldn't rescue my poor little phone right away. So it sat and soaked up some water for a little while. That was great. At first it seemed fine, but then the screen started doing weird things. Now, it can't see!! I know that it's on because of the light on the side. So I'm going to have to take it to the Doctor. the bad thing being,........I don't have doctor insurance. Bummer.

I'm so bored I'm getting a head ache!!

2006-02-20T16:50:00.000-06:00

I have not been this bored in a long time!! My mom and Dad, and Kristen are sick. Sarah is getting that way!! And they are all asleep right now, 2 O' clock in the afternoon. So what does that mean for Natalie? It means no music, that's what it means!! And I can't got outside because it is so nasty. It's cold and wet!! And I am at the point now that I don't even know what I would want to do if I could do anything!! I wouldn't mind going into town, but I don't want to get ready! I need help! now my head hurts!
So now that I'm through wining, let me tell you what happened Saturday!

O.K. Kristen and I were on our way to Lufkin, right? Well, we got 5 miles, maybe, from our house and this stupid buzzard flies up from nowhere right into the middle of our truck! It would have hit directly in the middle except for the fact that Kristen tried to dodge it. Well, as she was swerving to miss it, the retarded bird, in a last attempted to save himself, flew up over the hood of the truck and smashed right into the wind shield in front of me, who was sitting on the passenger side. The dumb thing broke the glass on that side to where I could no longer see out. And it broke bad enough that the inside layer of the glass broke and sprayed ALL OVER ME!!! It even hit my face!! I am very thankful though. I didn't get cut. But it did poke me, because it was all over my clothes and in my hair, and there was even a piece of glass on my face very close to my left eye.
Kristen on the other hand didn't have any problems att all, except for the nagging realization that she had just smashed our dad's wind shield, in the truck that he has to work in! But, that's not to bad, right?
So we now have NO car that is drivable! But we do have this really ugly van that my dad's boss let us borrow. :P

Natalie Y. Hill

O.K, I had to tell you...

2006-02-15T14:51:00.000-06:00

The coolest thing happened right after I posted that yesterday!
First, God is so awesome.

Second, I got a call from Jennifer Conn.

Jennifer and I, with Shelley J. went to the 1st bapt. church in Huntington after Kalob and Kristi's wedding. Jenn's friend Robert wanted us to come and sing and play music just to have fun. So we went and we sang. Well, there was this girl that was there who came to play the drums for us.
Well, to make a long story short, she told her mom that Jenn and I could sing really well. So she got Jenn's phone number and called her yesterday.
So Jenn called me. She said that the lady asked if we would be interested in leading Worship for a women's conference that their church is having on March 25th. And so naturally she said yes!! and then called me!! ha ha!! But it is so amazing how god did that. He totally gets the credit for that!! that lady didn't even hear us, she's just going on what her daughter said!!
I am so excited about what God is doing!! I just wanted to share that!!

It's so cool that God is giving me these opportunities to sing!

2006-02-14T14:30:00.000-06:00

I kind of feel stupid that it took me this long to do it. But God has good timing. I'm singing with Ryan this Sunday while he's filling in for Joel. But that's cool that I am singing on Sunday mornings. I love it. I do not know how to describe the feeling of being able to lead others in Worship.
I'm also going to be helping teach the girls in the youth group that sing with Ryan, how to sing harmony. Well, Kelly will be teaching them, I'm just helping her. :o) I'm going to start that tonight.
I'm getting a little nervous though about singing as far as where that will lead. But I'm really excited too.

I still have no car. Our car has been broken down since October, and my uncle has had it for 4 weeks now and hasn't had time to work on it. So I can't go anywhere during the day. So I can't get a job right now.
But I don't know where I'm going to work that won't interfere with church. I want to be able to work with the youth. And I DO NOT want to miss church. I will not work somewhere that will keep me out. That may mean waiting and looking harder. So I will.
But I hope it's soon. I'm getting a little tired of staying home. Although I am getting to read a lot. And I'm getting to play my music a lot!

It is when God is Glorified that our Hearts are most satisfied.

2006-02-02T13:30:00.000-06:00

.....no that is not mine, but I thought it sounded right. At least I don't think it's mine? It just came to me! :o) It's basically what we have been studying at Solomon's Porch on Wednesdays.

No Longer Secrets

2006-02-01T13:28:00.000-06:00

I did a really good job of hiding the fact that I couldn't sing from other people. And I did this for a while. But after a year of it, the desire of singing began to grow again. But I was afraid of it. How could I do something that I was told I wasn't good at? It almost felt like a cruel tease to have a desire to do something that I wasn't able to do. I still did more hiding.

The summer after I graduated I went to Brazil with my church for the very first mission trip I had ever been on. I was 18 years then. It was a hard trip, but God did something absolutely amazing in my heart! While I was in Brazil, I began to sing! And I sang with Jennifer! It was so great! It was the first time in over a year and a half that I stood up in front of people and sang.- O.K. it doesn't matter that they couldn't understand me! :o) - God used mine and Jennifer's voice to touch the hearts of those who heard! And it was amazing to me that that was how God got a lot of people to come! " Come tonight to church, the Americans will be singing!" How cool is that! When I would be at the church services at night, (which is when we would sing) I would feel this Joy swell up inside me! And that would arouse and stir to life again other feelings that I had long forgotten, that were tucked away from my childhood.
When I returned to the States, I automatically went back into hiding. But not for very long! You see, there was one thing that I didn't take into consideration when I was singing in Brazil. I guess when I got back, I thought that all of that would stay there. That it wouldn't affect me. It was just part of the high of the mission trip! But, there was this one girl, and I won't mention her name, ( Jennifer) that wouldn't let me forget that I could sing. She always encouraged me to sing, and told people that I could. And every time she would say something, it pierced my heart. It caused a pain that I can't describe, but one that I wanted! God used her, and she didn't even know. She kept all those feelings at the surface, and didn't allow them to be buried.

It was just a few months later that we began the college ministry at our church. And a little after that, we started the band for Solomon's Porch. They had auditions and I tried out. And so began my singing at Harmony Hill. I was 19 years old.

I wish I could say that I started living out of what I knew that God wanted for me, but I can't. It was still a great struggle for me as I began my search for my "calling". I was stuck at a point where I couldn't go forward. I had decided that I was going to be an RN. I had been trying so hard for over a year to get into college. But every time I would begin to pursue it something would keep me from being able to get all the stuff in order. My last attempt, I had already had all the things in order and I was ready to go, but the car broke down. I had no way to go! Once again the door was slammed shut in my face!

A week before I left for Passion '06 God began to whisper to me what He wanted from me. "I want your heart. Give me your heart."
"I already have!! I don't know what you mean!"

It was the last day we were at Passion that God finally opened my eyes to what He was saying!
For so long I had been covering up my heart with dreams, plans, and ideas that were my own, and not His. I realized for the first time that I had made those plans to go to school so that I could escape from my heart! That's what was expected of me! "You need to be an RN. That would make the family proud. Not that other thing!! Remember, people will laugh! That's a failure waiting to happen!"

Right then, I gave God my Heart, my dreams! No more acting as if I know what I'M doing! What ever He had, I was willing to do. Even if it meant being looked down on. No more listening to the enemy's lies.

God told me so clearly that for this semester he wants me to sing! And that is what I will do. And for the first time in my 20 years, I'm really living out God's dream for me.
I realize that it seems so insignificant. It even sounds to me like it is something that shouldn't matter. I mean it's just singing, isn't it? Not really. If that is what God has asked me to do, then it's not just singing.
And I am also very aware of the fact that if that is what God has asked, then that is what Satan will try and stop.
I am engaged in war, and this is a fight that can't be ignored. I will no longer fight half heartedly, but with my whole heart! I allowed Satan to, in a way, disarm me. But by the grace of God, I won't stand for that any more!

Natalie Y. Hill

No Longer Secrets

2006-01-27T19:00:00.000-06:00

You know, after I gave up listening to all that music, and replacing it with the music that God wanted me to fill my heart with, my dreams began to change.- Or may be it was just that they no longer had anything to hide behind.
At 15, I began to feel what I thought was emptiness.
See, when I gave up the music, I also had to give up the dream of singing, so I thought. I mean, after giving that up, what would I sing about?! At least that's what was in my head.
Well, I didn't stop wanting to sing. So I began dreaming about performing Christian music. But it just didn't feel right. It was lacking!
So I pushed that reality far away and just went on living out my Christian "walk". I developed a strong desire to learn more about God. And I started studying and that's when I really started a relationship with God. It was no longer just praying that God would bless the food at meal times. It was two way. He was actually talking to me! And I could hear Him!

All the way up to this point I had been going to a church. The same one for over 16 years. This church did absolutely nothing for me as far as helping in a relationship with Christ. In fact that church was a tool, not used by God, but by His very enemy!
Like I said previously, I still wanted to sing. And I wanted to sing for God. I felt God leading me, along with some others, to try and introduce to these " people of God" a new style of Worship. ( forgive me if I sound bitter) I led the music service several times. I loved it! It was great! And even though I was scared out of my mind, I was obedient to what I knew God was asking of me!
And no! Satan did NOT sit by and watch me. It was just a few weeks later, not even a month, that the attack came! A man, who apparently thought himself in charge, approached me after a Sunday morning service and told me very plainly that he did not approve of what we were doing and that he liked it better the old way. He smiled a smile at me to let me know that it wasn't an option. And he let me know that no one else wanted it the new way either. He said that they wanted my dad to lead again, and not me. I didn't know what to say to him. I just stared at him as he was telling me. He left me standing in the back of the church wounded and devastated. I didn't sing anymore.
" You can't stand in front of people. Who would want to look at you? And no one wants to listen to your voice! Don't tell anyone about this! ' May be I didn't really want to do this after all!' " Loud the voice was this time. Again confirmed. And I went into hiding again.

Shortly after this, our family left that church. That was the best thing that has ever happened to our family.
I was almost 17 years old when we left that church and started attending a new one. This was a scary thing for me. But I felt safe! It was so much bigger than the one that I had been to. I was able to hide. A painful shyness came over me again. And that voice that seemed to always be there at the (right) time "You have a dark secret! Don't let anyone find out! Everyone already knows that there is nothing special about you, so trust me, it's better not to draw attention!" The enemy was digging deeper into what was now scares.

You know, there were so many times from my childhood that I was lied to. Everything seemed to confirm it. From something that my father or mother would say, and even my grandfather. Or something from my sister, friends or other family members. And circumstances would seem to promote the fact that I just couldn't measure up. See I knew, even as a little girl, that even if I did sing that it wouldn't be good enough. That some how it would be a disappointment to those who heard it. Even God.

Now at this new church, I started pretending like I couldn't sing. And to be quite honest, my voice didn't sound the same. Something had happened to it. I didn't have the power behind it anymore. I just gave up. I then had an idea. If singing couldn't be my (glory) then I would just be the best Christian I could be. And that's how I would get attention. And in doing so, I could get the attention off of what was really going on. Not only from those around me, but from myself as well.....

No longer secrets

2006-01-26T00:55:00.000-06:00

God told me very clearly what He wants from me this semester. For the longest time - and really that means most of my life - I denied it, thinking only that it was a silly childhood dream. That it meant nothing.

I have decided to share things that I have always kept to myself. Mainly, because I was embarrassed for anyone to know this about me. :o) It's funny to me when I think about it- but sad at the same time.- Blinded. Misguided. Lied to.

If I could only give one word that would describe my childhood dreams, it would have to be MUSIC. From the time I was old enough to talk I was singing. And I started playing the guitar as soon as I was big enough to reach around the small one that my dad has ( it was the same one that he learned to play on when he was a young boy) Soon after I discovered the radio- for myself, not just listening when mom had it on-( I got it for Christmas) and then it was never off.

O.K. this is where I tell secrets......you know the kind that only your family knows about- mainly because siblings spy, or you being completely unaware because you started off being at the house by yourself, but sometime the rest of the family came home. ( don't know how many times That one happened to me)

Now let's try to picture a young girl of about 5 years old standing in front of a mirror with a flash light up to her mouth singing into it with the radio playing, loud! (Flash lights look more realistic than a hairbrush! I know some of you used a hairbrush! )
Imagination soaring; the music, lights, and the stage all in front of her. The voice that came from her had people standing in awe. Feelings of worth came. She was Beautiful! She was glorious! She was me.
Then the assault came. The first big blow. Someone whispered, "You are not beautiful. You can't stand in front of people. Who would want to look at you. And no one wants to listen to your voice! Don't tell anyone about this! They will laugh at you!" Believing it, I went on with life. And so began the long and strenuous battle for my heart!

At first I tried to ignore those nagging thoughts. But as I began to get brave and share my heart with others, the blows came even harder. Perhaps because they confirmed what I was already believing.

Still singing in front of the mirror at 12 years old, but in my room where no one could see, I hid from people. Given funny looks and laughed at when caught sent the wounds deeper. So more hiding was in order.

At thirteen years old, an obsession with the music on the radio made it's self at home. I knew every song that came on the radio, literally. And I knew every artist that sang them. It consumed me. What was on the radio was what my relationships with my friends were based on.
It was around this time that I took a Risk and shared with my mom of the dream I had of becoming a singer. While she said that she would support me in what ever I wanted to do, she tried in a motherly way to tell me that it really wasn't very realistic. And deeper the wounds went!

By fourteen years old I was a completely different person. There was this darkness that was always present with me. I began to shut myself off from others even more. I felt sick inside. And this anger came from - nowhere? I began to hate myself! The thought of ending the mess I felt inside seemed very freeing! I didn't care how it was done. I just wanted out!
Shortly after, my parents forced me to go to this youth conference. It was a True Love Waits conference. My parents had never forced me to do anything like that, nor have they since. So you might can understand that I was beside myself with anger. Not only did I see this as a waste of time ( " I know about all that stuff! Why do they think I need to go to that!" ) I was painfully shy. Even though I let my parents "have it" for insisting that I attend that conference, they didn't give in! They dropped me and my sister off that Friday night. I went in with my heart closed! I wasn't going to listen to anything!
It was a 2 day conference. It started again the next morning. So I had to endure it again. I made it through the first night with out much problem. But Saturday was a little different. Towards the end of that day, I began to feel really uncomfortable.
I'll cut to the chase. At the invitation that last day, God talked to me. In that really loud voice that I had only heard one time before on the night that I got saved - Which had been 3 years ago at this point-
I was standing up, the invitational song was playing, and I heard it! It was so loud and so clear that I had to sit down. "Give the music up." I sat there with no words. Finally "Alright Lord." I didn't question Him. I couldn't. So at that point I gave him all of my music. It was just a few weeks later that I threw all of my cds and posters away. I replaced them with Christian music. That was a huge step to uncovering my Heart......

My Heart Sings! I Will Listen!

2006-01-20T16:15:00.000-06:00

O.K. I have had some thoughts running through my head for a while. And I am going to attempt to write them down. It will probably make sense only to me. But that's O.K. because I will feel better getting some of this out! :o)

My dreams. There has been one dream that has pulled at my heart for as long as I can remember. Anytime I would hear it or watch an advertisement about it, it would pull at me! Something would come alive inside! I wouldn't hear or be around it very often, but when I was, this voice, a familiar one - a voice that I had heard before would say....."I want to be a part of that! I was made for this!"
But I would walk away, or the advertisement would go off and the voice would go silent. I would "forget"- go on surviving, living out my Christian life. Doing the right thing. And yet, something was missing. Or may be just covered up?!
It would try to surface, and out of fear I would push it down again. 'Forgetting it'. I don't understand. How simple it is! What was it that scared me!? Why was I so afraid to let my heart feel?

But giving up my dreams and surrendering to the dreams that God has for me has brought me to a whole new level of understanding what it means to die so that Christ may live. And what I have found was that God's dreams are what I wanted all a long! It was HIS voice that was familiar that I heard. Why did I try to deny for so long what I truly wanted!?! Was it caused from feeling worthless, or feeling like I just couldn't measure up? May be feeling as though my life didn't count for anything? "Nothing special here!" and so believing the lie that this is the way it's going to be and nothing can change that.
I made the mistake, as countless other Christians have, of misinterpreting what Christ meant when he said that " I came that they might have life, and have it abundantly!" (John 10:10) I have always thought that he was referring to heaven. While that is something that us as followers of Jesus Christ have to look forward to, I believe that he meant so much more for us here. And it starts with the new heart. I love that my old one died and that there is something in it's place. How awesome is that?! Not only did He wash all of the sin off, but He completely did away with the heart that was stained in the first place! "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW Creation; the old things passed away; Behold, NEW things have come."
So I must live out of my heart! It is NEW and it is righteous! My body is the Holy Place, but my HEART is the Most Holy Place ( the Holy of Holies) the actual dwelling place of God (the Spirit). So in actual REALITY, allowing my heart to live is actually allowing Christ to live in Me!!
So, when my heart sings, I will listen!! For it is a melody strait from God Himself.

No longer a Teenager!

2005-12-20T09:06:00.000-06:00

I am 20 years old today!! I am no longer a teenager!! This is a sad fact in it's self. I am through with that part of my life. Those seven years went by so fast. Looking back, it almost feels like I completely skipped those years. And yet, when I was in the misted of it, it seemed that it would never end!! :o) Time is a funny thing, and something that's hard to understand.

The last few days I have been reading back in my journals. I am amazed at the things that God has brought me through in just a few years. And how much I have learned. I've been through some rough times, but there has also been some really great times.
God has really changed my life in just the past year. And I didn't really think about it until the other night when Susie, Ashley Layton, Jonathan, Paula, Jared, and I were sitting in IHOP. :o) I don't remember who started this but we went around the table and (tried) to put into words how we had changed since last year. I had not thought about everything that I had been through until that point. ( I will spare you the details)
But God is so amazing! I think the biggest thing that I have learned coming out of this year was learning how to fight Spiritual battles. It's been a rough fight this year! (Ex 14:14) But God has taught me to stand strong on His TRUTH and not on feelings or circumstance.

Well, I think I have talked enough! :o) I have to leave now!! ( grr! I have to go to the dentist! And on my Birthday!!) Oh well!! :o)

Natalie Y. Hill

What have I been up to?!

2005-12-12T13:47:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I know I haven't been keeping this updated. But I'm not really sure what to say.
My birthday is in 6 days!!! Yay!!! I'm going to be 20 on the 20th!! How cool is that?! Once in a life time! :o)

I will be leaving for New Orleans on the 26th. The disaster relief team from our church is going and we will be going to the 9th quarter. I'm very excited about this opportunity. We will be working with the Salvation Army going out on the canteen trucks bringing food and water to the people that are there. And the great thing about this mission trip (and by the way, it totally is a mission. I've gone before and I can totally feel God working through us. And I witnessed so many miracles while I was there. Incredible!! ) the great thing is that God totally strengthens your faith in Him doing something like this. You have to depend on Him for everything while your there. Worrying about riots, whether or not you have enough food to feed everyone, relying on His strength when you are completely exhausted, and then watching God get out of a bind in a split second, just because He can!! :o) Not that God ever gets in a bind. But to our way of thinking, it can feel that way. You just look at that and say, "You're God!! And I'm SO not!!" Your own choice of words would be fine. :) God is just......well He's God! 'Enough said!

Three weeks until Passion '06!! Yay!!! I'm so excited!! I can't wait to for that! I know God is going to do some awesome things!! He always does. But when that many people come together to Worship the One true God, Things happen!! And I can't wait to see what He will do!
Yeah, I'm really nervous about Sunday. I am going to be singing with one of the praise teams at church in front of the whole congregation. Of Course I'M NERVOUS!! How can you even ask!!?! :o) But I am very happy to be able to do this. I've wanted to do this for a long time. And God has given me the opportunity to do it. So I will!! :o) God's pretty cool, by the way!
Things have been really rough lately, but I know that God is in control. And He is faithful. He is always faithful. He never leaves us! Ever!! :o)

Natalie Y. Hill

Family Vacation? Yeah right!!

2005-11-30T16:45:00.000-06:00

I know, it's been a long time since I last wrote. But honestly it's not because I've been to busy. I've just been to lazy to write!!

But I guess I should tell a little about what happened on our vacation.....if I must! :o)

Well, it started off as planned. We were supposed to leave at 10:00a. We left at 10:45a so that was really good!! :o) We drove for about 15 minutes and stopped to get some gas. Then we went on for maybe 20 minutes and then all of a sudden my dad started having stomach pains. But then it moved into his chest and began running up the left side of his neck. At this point he pulled over and sat there for a few minutes. It wasn't getting any better. We finally convinced him that he needed to go to the hospital. So mom turned the car around and rushed him back into Crockett. ........long story short, it wasn't a heart attack like we thought thank God!! It was the acid reflux disease that he has. So they gave him some medicine and he was O.K. after that. But we didn't leave Crockett until after 3:00p that day. So that was kind of a late start. :o)

Anyways, So we get to San Antonio about sevenish...something like that. And we stayed in a hotel. The next morning we checked out and decided to go to Sea World, which was a lot of fun. We saw a lot of shows and SAW a lot of rides. We only rode one because that was my favorite. It is so FAST!!! ha ha! Kristen's mad at me though. I didn't ride on the one she wanted to ride on. As usual it's all about Kristen! (jk)
After Sea World we stopped to get a bite to eat. But Kristen wasn't feeling good. She couldn't eat.
After we ate we went to a resort where we spent the rest of our vacation. When we got there Kristen was still not feeling good. She went straight to bed. Well, mom and I left for a little while to get some food at a little market place down the road. When we got back Sarah met us at the door and said, in a tone that was abnoxiously loud, :o) " Kristen just threw up!" And she couldn't stop either. She couldn't hold anything down. She was throwing up every few minutes ( I'm sorry for those of you who have weak stomachs! ha ha! ) Mom and Dad finally took her to the ER where the doctor put her through a bunch of tests. They had to put an IV in her to keep her from getting to dehydrated. They didn't get back until 5:00a that morning. Needless to say, we didn't do anything that day. Me and Sarah tried to entertain ourselves while the rest slept. Loads of fun there. I took Sarah to the pool there and just watched her swim! yay.
So yeah, that was pretty much our vacation. Kristen slept, and I watched tv. We couldn't do anything because Kristen stayed in the bed the entire time!! I felt bad for her.

So there you have it! That was our family "vacation". But, we did get to go to the Alamo the very last day. Loads!!

Gotta love those family together times!!! ha ha!!