Laryngitis

Day 4 with no voice.

Man, it is crazy how much I depend on it. It's such a natural thing. My job even depends on it. 2 weeks now not working. That's going to hurt.

Mother's day was interesting. All I could do was whisper. And with some not able to hear very well with my normal voice, it made for some very frustrating conversations. And since most cannot read lips, words were a completely useless form of communication. :D

But the hardest has not been the lack of conversations with others. It was the first day, on Sunday.
The team was leading us in worship and I opened my mouth to sing, and nothing came out. It broke my heart. I wanted so badly to sing! I felt like I couldn't worship as much without my voice. but then it hit me....

When you get so used to worshiping God in a certain way at a certain place, I think it becomes more of a habit. Why else would I feel that I couldn't worship as well in that setting? It's so routine I don't even recognize it.

I love that I can sing. And I love that the Lord has called me to sing. But I must not love singing for God more than I love God.

In My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes, "Your god may be your little Christian habit-the habit of prayer or Bible reading at certain times of your day. Watch how your Father will upset your schedule if you begin to worship your habit instead of what your habit symbolizes."

Can You pour Your Spirit out on ignorance?

This morning after I dropped Steve off at work, I drove back here to the office at HHBC. It was 7:35. I had 25 minutes before I was supposed to go in to work. So I decided to read my Bible and spend some time praying. ( This is not every easy for me to do because of all the commotion that is going on around me. WAY too many distractions)

Something caught my attention though. As I was looking out of my jeep window, I glanced up at our WC and immediately prayed, "Lord, can you pour your Spirit out on ignorance?" I have asked this many times but never get a reply....usually because I'm complaining and not really being sincere. But I meant it this time. I really wanted to know if He would pour His Spirit out on people that do not even want it. Or that just flat out deny that He pours out on people. But the very instant that prayer left my mouth He reminded me of Numbers chapter 11. So I turned there and read it.

I had not read this in a while, and even when I had read it before, I didn't see this. These Elders were complaining and whining to God. Actually, most of the Israelites were. They were tired of the manna that miraculously fell from heaven. They wanted meat! And the Lord punished them for it....it says in vs.33-34 that "But while the meat was still between their teeth and before it could be consumed, the anger of the LORD burned against the people, and he struck them with a severe plague. Therefore the place was named Kibroth Hattaavah, because there they buried the people who had craved other food.".After all that God had done for them they still longed for their old life as slaves in Egypt!! But He called all the Elders to come and He poured His Spirit out on them so that they began to prophesy. And even two old dudes that didn't even meet with them couldn't hide from the Spirit. They began to prophesy in the camp where they were at! Amazing!!

So Yes, the Lord can and will pour His Spirit out on people who are not even expecting it! Praise God!! Holy Spirit, pour out on me and this church and hold NOTHING back!!


~NaT~

I know that this is nothing new

But I do not understand the mercy of God. For 2 and a half weeks God has been showing me how great His mercy is and how much grace that he has poured on me. Oh I know all about the mercy of God for others.....but for me? Why I hold myself to a higher standard, I do not know. Why I think that God would hold me to a higher standard than someone else, I don't know that either. But some how I have convinced myself that, whether my sin small or great, that He is tired of me and does not want to waste anymore time with me. I have been living with this condemnation for almost 2 years now. Even though I never formed it into thought, it was still there. So needless to say, I have been hurting because I do not feel close to God. Living in that worthlessness, I come to the Father not in boldness as a child of God, but with my head turned in shame as a dirty slave. Yes, maybe God loves me, but does he accept me? Why would he accept me? I have done nothing for Him except to shame Him and disobey!

Why can't my mind grasp forgiveness?

The Lord is working on my heart. Until I can accept forgiveness, how can I forgive?

Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Replying to Christina's Blog

You know...I do the exact same thing. I haven't always been like that. It's just been in the last 3 years. So many things (that were not so good) happened to me and my family all at one time, and then just dragged on. I started distancing myself. It took a lot out of me. Now I avoid any relationship( or job ) that I feel like it is draining me! I cringe inside just thinking about those people or situations!! And for some reason, Steve and I both attract those kind of people!! lol I think there must be a sign above me that I can't see that says"Dump your burdens here!" That's terrible, I know. :-) The bottom line is, I have sinned! I have become very selfish! It not only hurt my relationships with my family and friends, but I am not very close to God anymore. I have pulled away from everything. Slowly but surely. I didn't even realize it. I got to the point where I was numb to everything. The Lord is healing my mind and my heart now. But it is a slow process. Now I have to fight my very lazy mind to keep it from closing down on me when I get into a situation that will require more of me.......more of my heart. I am ready to move out of this! I want to love others more than I love being comfortable! It's going to be a battle. I am not looking forward to this.....

The HOLY SPIRIT

With the limited knowledge that I have of the gifts of the Spirit, I really feel like I have the gift of discernment. I can see things that most Christians can not. Sometimes I have seen, heard, and felt things that I did not want to. But in those times it is most crucial that I pray!

I know that God wanted Stephen and me together. He made darn sure that it happened!!
I knew that if God wanted us together that He had a plan for us to work together for His Kingdom............the coolest thing ever...........in January it was so awesome to see both of our gifts working together! We were in KC for the One Thing conference. We stayed at a hotel for a few days while we were there. A man, who's name in English in Justin....there's no way I could spell his real name... who worked the night shift. It was always after 12 every night before we got back to the hotel from the conference.
The 1st night we got back to the hotel, Justin saw us out of the front lobby window and called us in...I was a little nervous...I thought we had done something wrong. We followed him to the front desk where he picked up this large box that had all kinds of pasteries from that morning's breakfast. "Take", he said in his broken English. Stephen of course jumped right in while I had to explain to Justin that I couldn't have it. Then he asked me if I was Indian. I told him that I have Native American indian....but not from India. I asked him if he was from India and he said yes. That my friend, opened a door to start talking with him. Stephen got to tell him that he had been to India before.....that made Justin very excited and he began to share his story with us of how he and his wife came from India to America. He is 70 something years old. They have been living in America for 7 years I think.
We talked for a little while and then Steve and I went to our room. We got a knock on the door. Justin invited us to come have tea in his room the next morning and meet his wife!! We couldn't believe it!! While we were talking to this man in the Lobby, we learned that he was Hindu...and now we were being invited to his house (room)! Stephen and I of course said yes, but we were so nervous! We started praying for him and for the situation.
Next morning we go to his room, meet his wife, and have an Indian breakfast.....which is very spicy stuff, but good....for the most part. ;-) We get to share the gospel with him and just get to know him a little bit. He did not agree that Jesus was the only way to get to heaven. He believed that our God, and all the others were the same God......he didn't like it when we told him that Jesus said that HE was the Only way to the Father. Crazy thing, he's reading the Bible.....he searching.
That afternoon at the conference I felt a strong urge to pray for him to be saved. When I opened my mouth to start praying the Holy Spirit took over and I went into deep intercessory prayer for that man.

Now I have already said that I have the gift of discernment, Stephen I believe has the gift of evangelism....this is how they worked together.
We went into the lobby to see him and immediately I felt this strong demonic presence. We had obviously stirred something up...I guess we were moving in on their territory. It was really bad! I felt them taunting us! I felt this anger rise up inside me, then I began to pray under my breath. Just loud enough for them to hear me.....the whole time Stephen is talking with this man and answering his questions.....Justin began to talk about witch craft and different practices that he and his wife did. Every time he opened his mouth that evil presence began to rumble. The whole time, I am praying for Justin, for Stephen and that God would get rid of those spirits! The cool thing, everytime Stephen would open his mouth to speak it's like they would back off.....run for cover!! They had nothing to fight him with.
Did Stephen feel all this going on? No. God gifted me to be able to feel these things so that I could be praying. I guess in terms of battle, I am the diversion so that Stephen could get in there and fight where it matters!!
It's so awesome how God has gifted each one of us with different gifts and how they all work together.

A safe god? or Not

"The safe god asks nothing of us, gives nothing to us. He never drives us to our knees in hungry, desperate praying and never sets us on our feet in fierce, fixed determination. He never makes us bold to dance. The safe god never whispers in our ears anything but greeting card slogans and certainly never asks that we embarrass ourselves by shouting from the rooftop....A safe god inspires neither awe, nor worship, nor sacrifice." - Mark Buchanan

"Is-is he a man?" asked Lucy.

"Aslan a man!" said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion-the Lion, the great Lion."

"Ooh," said Susan, "I thought he was a man. Is he-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."

"That you will, dearie, and no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

- C.S. Lewis - Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Natalie Y Jansen