|But I do not understand the mercy of God. |
For 2 and a half weeks God has been showing me how great His mercy is and how much grace that he has poured on me.
Oh I know all about the mercy of God for others.....but for me? Why I hold myself to a higher standard, I do not know. Why I think that God would hold me to a higher standard than someone else, I don't know that either.
But some how I have convinced myself that, whether my sin small or great, that He is tired of me and does not want to waste anymore time with me.
I have been living with this condemnation for almost 2 years now. Even though I never formed it into thought, it was still there. So needless to say, I have been hurting because I do not feel close to God.
Living in that worthlessness, I come to the Father not in boldness as a child of God, but with my head turned in shame as a dirty slave. Yes, maybe God loves me, but does he accept me? Why would he accept me? I have done nothing for Him except to shame Him and disobey!
Why can't my mind grasp forgiveness?
The Lord is working on my heart. Until I can accept forgiveness, how can I forgive?
Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."