Friday, December 01, 2006

Not giving up!

Do you ever get tired of praying for the same thing over and over again? Well, I do!
I have tried to stay committed to asking God about us moving, and I haven't done a very good job! In fact, it like it slips my mind. How could something that I want so much slip my could I forget to ask God about it?

My parents have invited some people over to night to pray about selling the house. I am excited about this! I'm hoping that this will help me get my focus back again! We can't give up!

We have decorated the house for Christmas!! I'm so excited!! We have the tree up and it's so pretty!! And I put the lights up outside!! It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! :-) (Sorry, I had to!) And I am very much enjoying the cold weather!! That's so awesome!! To bad it will be gone again! TEXAS weather! You never know.

Natalie Y Hill

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Things I'm Thankful For

Quick note to go with the last post- I would like to expound but it would take to long in writing.

I am thankful for:

Stephen - he is so amazing
Mom and Dad
Sarah, Kristen and my brother in law, Nick - and the baby that's coming!
Jennifer, and my other really great friends
my nice house
car that actually drives :-)
my church
what health I have
college group- there are other young people that actually love God and are willing to serve Him
being able to sing and play the guitar
people that are wiser than me that speak wisdom, knowledge and understanding into me
being able to hear God when he speaks

the lamp by my bed that I read by
my favorite blanket
4 pillows!!
Hagen Daas chocolate ice cream! - it has no wheat in it!!
Reese's peanut butter cups
Coke, pepsi, Dr. pepper, and sweet tea
I DON'T have a head ache right now!
the cold weather
paved roads ;-)

Natalie Y Hill

Thanksgiving plans

Tomorrow I am going with my family to see my mom's sister and her family! Nick and Kristen are going with us! And Stephen is going too! We will be leaving tomorrow morning around 8:30am and heading to Houston. We will spend the day there and then head back that afternoon. Then me and Stephen are going to spend time with his mom's family that night!! It will be a full day but it will be fun! And there will be plenty of good food!! My Aunt is a great cook! (isn't that what thanksgiving is about?? I think, NOT!!! )
I think it is really sad that I never think of being thankful until the day that I am [supposed] to be thankful...Or the week of. But I have to admit that I have failed in being thankful the rest of the time. I get so distracted by the things that are not working the way I want them to, and in doing so I become ungrateful and complain! I don't understand why God puts up with me!?? (Grace, grace, God's grace!)

I hope you guys have a wonderful thanksgiving!!

Natalie Y Hill

Monday, November 13, 2006

Things To Come

I wonder sometimes what God will have me doing in the future. O.K. I think about it all the time! There are things that I would love to do!

I have thought for a long time that God would eventually ask me to go to some country and live there! But that confused me. I have never had a desire to live somewhere else. BUT, I did have a very strong desire to travel and see different people and share the gospel! But not to one people group!
I want to go everywhere! I don't know what that will mean or what God will have me doing!
I'm getting impatient. Because when I look ahead at what I think I need to do to get ready for that it can be overwhelming! I'm just ready for things to get going!! ha ha!
I'm trying to focus on the now....but that's really hard to do when I'm wanting the later so bad! :-)

*Pictures from Costa Rica

Natalie Y Hill

Saturday, November 04, 2006

I know, I know!

It's not even Thanksgiving yet.......but I am ready for Christmas! If you have a problem with that....I DON'T CARE!!
I love the decorations, and the lights and the music! I love the cold weather that we never have!!
Gathering around a bonfire with your friends!! That's awesome!!

"yeah, merry Christmas."

<--- Does this freak ya'll out!?! It does me!!

Natalie Y Hill

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Just a Thought

I have a question. Would God call you to a job that you did not find any joy in? I don't mean that you necessarily have to love the work.......but to find no joy, no fulfilment?? " For the JOY set before him, he endured the cross..." Christ's suffering was a horrible thing. He did not enjoy it....that goes with out saying. But there had to be fulfillment in knowing that the Father was pleased with Him, and that he was doing what God had asked of him! He was obedient!

Just a thought.

Natalie Y Hill

Monday, October 30, 2006

And It's Over

Well, the wedding is over and it went really well!! It was a really beautiful wedding! But I'm glad that it's over. ha ha!! And I have to admit....I did cry a little bit. Come on, it was my little sister!

So my sister is now married.......I have a brother in law! that's crazy! ( and a little unfair!) ha ha!!

We have been watching her stupid dog while they are on their honey moon. I think I am going to kill it!! It's so nasty!!! It is not house trained!! And it is so spoiled!! It cries when it doesn't get it's way!!! lol I mean just look at the's evil!!

Natalie Y Hill

Thursday, October 26, 2006

The two of us

So let me say that Stephen Jansen is so amazing!! :-) GOD is really blessing us and it is so incredible! And the greatest thing in the world is having the peace that we are doing exactly what God wants us to do!! I must say that I am enjoying this very much!! ha ha!

And we have committed to staying committed to God before anything else! Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. Then other times it's no problem.

We have made a commitment not to kiss until we get married! And let me say that it's not one of the easiest things that God has asked of us!! And it's definitely not the most fun! lol But the satisfaction that I feel in God makes up for it!!

I didn't mean to just talk about that..........O.K. yes I did!! ha ha! But he's just so awesome I can't help it!! ;-)

Natalie Y Hill

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Oh my Gosh...I'm an Aunt!

Kristen found out that she is having a little girl!! ha ha!!
I laugh only because she was convinced that it was a boy!! But now they have to pick out a girl name! lol

Something that is just not sinking in about this whole thing is that if she is having a baby, then that makes me an Aunt! That is so weird! But I think I will have fun with this! Now I can buy all these cute clothes for her!! And I can have fun playing with her and when I'm tired I can send her back to her mother!! ha ha ha!!
But this is going to make things really different! Well, everything will change Saturday!
You guys please pray that everything will work out smoothly!! Weddings are no fun until they start!! lol Until then, they're just one big stressful mess!!! ;-)

Natalie Y Hill

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

She's Growing Up

My little sister is about to get married!! How can this be.........when did she grow up!?! I never thought this day would come. I remember when we were younger and playing out side in our Grandpa's garden! ha ha! Yep, we got dirty! We would play out there for HOURS!! It was the greatest! We would play with our big Tonka trucks and make cities and roads. And getting lost in the jungle behind all those rows of corn was definitely a hit!! lol
And then there was the hotwheels!! heck yeah! O.K. we did play with Barbies sometimes........when it was raining. ;-)
But some how we have grown up, and with out even noticing!! She is going to get married this Saturday! It will be a very strange thing!
We have a lot of planning still to do. That's not going to be fun! But I know that everything will work out o.k.......I'm just going to keep my opinions to myself! lol

I hope you all are doing well?

Natalie Y Hill

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


I have been thinking a lot about this past year and everything that has happened! God has blessed me so much! He has blessed me tremendously in music. God has given me so many opportunities to sing and play that I never thought possible :-) And God has given me two opportunities this week to sing.
I am leading for the youth tonight, and on Saturday I am leading for a women's conference!! (I'm more nervous about the youth) lol But it is going to be fun!

God has also blessed me in a relationship with the greatest guy in the world!! It's amazing!! HE IS SO AWESOME! ;-)

Natalie Y Hill

Monday, October 02, 2006

Revival in Dibol

Yesterday was the first day of the revival at 1st Baptist in Dibol. Bro. John is preaching and Joel is leading the music! It was really hard during practice! The sound system wasn't working right at first and so we had a hard practice!! But that's what is so amazing!! We didn't get to go over all the songs, but when it was time to start everything worked fine!! It was so cool! God really moved in there last night! And God gave a word to pastor John and he spoke it and didn't hold back!! lol It was really awesome!! I am very excited to see what will happen to night!!
God has some plans for that little church in Dibol! If the people will humble themselves and receive what the Lord has for them. It will be good!!!

Natalie Y Hill

Saturday, September 30, 2006

What's up

So we have been trying to sell our house. It has been a very tiring process! We almost had it sold, but then it fell through. And not we are living in a house full of boxes! ha ha! There are boxes ( boxen lol) everywhere!! It's funny..........but we're not about to unpack that stuff! It took to long to get it in there!! :-) And we don't have any idea when we are going to move. It could be 2 weeks from now or 2 months. But oh well.
I am really excited! This Sunday night Pastor John is going to be preaching at a revival in Dibol. It's Sunday night through Wednesday night. Joel is going to be doing the music and he asked me to sing with him! That's going to be fun. I am really excited! And Stephen is going to be playing the drums. :-) So that is awesome!!

Well, I guess that's all for now!

Natalie Y Hill

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Boxes everywhere!

2 Days ago I wrote that the surveyor came early that morning but had left and hadn't come back yet. Well, he never did. It was a big deal! So they are not going to have it done today. And apparently this guy knew about this job 3 weeks ago but just now started working on it. So now it's not going to be done by tomorrow, which is the dead line on the contracts.
But they have extended the closing date! It will now be on the 5th of September. This is not good. This would not be that bad except that it's not just affecting us. It is also affecting us buying the Cottons house, and it's keeping them from buying the house that they want! And so it's affecting THOSE people!!

But the surveyor finally came out today. I think he finished measuring off everything. So now he just has to finish the paper work. But he will definitely be through by Tuesday.

This has been a very tiring process. i will be so glad when it's all over!!!

There are boxes EVERYWHERE!!!! We have most of the house packed up. I will also be glad when we can get these boxes out of the way!!

Natalie Y Hill

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Why the last minute!?!

It's really hard to sit and wait!! In fact, it is horrible. The surveyor that is surveying our land for the people buying it was here early this morning. But he didn't have the deed to the land so he couldn't do anything. So he left to go to the court house to find it. But it's already 3:20p and he's still not back.
Time is dwindling down. We are supposed to close everything Thursday. If the land isn't in the peoples name by Thursday, then ALL the contracts are terminated!!

We truly believe that God is wanting us to move, so I have to trust that God's working it out. Because we have done everything that we were required to do. We have been obedient on our end!! So now we must wait. I am going to repeat something I said in a previous blog..........
" 'I think God waits sometimes to the last minute to answer a prayer for "Dramatic Affect'! " He totally believes in Him self!! lol He knows He won't fail!! But those times when he waits to the last minute sure stretches your faith!! But he does it to make Himself look good!! And it always does!! He loves making himself look good..........AND He's so GOOD at it!!!
So what ever happens, he's going to look good.............because he can't look bad!! lol
I'll keep posting what's going on!!

Natalie Y Hill

Thursday, August 24, 2006

AC This Spring

So I'm thinking about starting at AC in the spring. I don't really want to. I have not felt in the past that it was the right time. But now...I'm not feeling ANYTHING!! God is not giving me a definite answer. But I have decided that I am just going to move forward with it and if it doesn't happen, I am no worse off.
God has not told me that "Yes, i want you to start at AC this spring" but he has told me that he wants me to move towards that..........even if it doesn't work out! So that makes me feel like I will start...but he didn't say that I will..... just that I need to try! grrr..............this is going to be interesting!!

So let me say again that I am sooooooo glad that Stephen and I are dating!! :-) And I don't mean to sound like a little school girl.......but If I do, I'm not apologizing!! ha ha!! He's so awesome!! But I think what I love about him most is his relationship with God. Because he is so sensitive to the Spirit. God speaks to him and shows him things. But he is so humble!!
We have been dating 5 weeks today. ( and yes, I actually remembered that!! I'm so proud of myself!!)

Natalie Y Hill

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


1st Peter 1:3-7

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

The refiner's fire.

Sarah Moore is the one who reminded me of these verses and was yet another confirmation that God is testing my faith in Him. It has not been an easy fact it has been down right painful at times. But what God is teaching me is that I must stand on His truth and not on what I feel or on what some one else says that God has for me!! It's funny and sort of ridiculous how you can know something, but until you actually experience it for your self, you really don't know the true meaning of it.
Satan has brought one blow after the other. He has used everything he can to get me to doubt God. He has over whelmed my mind with doubt to the point that I literally felt physically sick! He has even used someone that I am close to and respect very much to try and turn me away from what God has told me - telling me that God told them this and it was completely opposite from what God had told me!! This has been very hard!!
Something that was hard to deal with was that God told me that He was not going to stop Satan from attacking me. But that I had to stand on what HE had told me, even if my mind began to waver and my stomach was in knots. God told me that he was allowing me to go through a testing time and teaching me to stand on his word, rather than relying only on whether or not I "feel" like it's the right thing!! In my heart I never doubted. But my mind had other idea's. But I resisted the enemy's lies and FINALLY Sunday night after church I felt Satan give up and back off.

I am very much aware that he will be back............but he didn't win!!! And this has made my faith stronger!! So I will be better equipped for the battle when I should face it again. But it hasn't been easy!! It is a horrible feeling to think that you are outside of God's will when you were SO sure that you were doing exactly what He wanted!! But it's during those times that the lies come the hardest. If Satan can get you to doubt, he demobilizes you with fear - Keeping you from doing the very thing that God has called you to do!! And robbing you of the blessing of joy that comes with walking with the Father!!
So we must not let him steel our Joy. And we must keep pressing in and getting deeper into Him. For there is NOTHING better than knowing God in a very intimate way!!

Natalie Y Hill

Thursday, August 17, 2006

It's Not Mine

I have to tell you something.

I'm not saying that this happened to me, because it didn't!! This would never happen to me so I don't know why you are even thinking that! BECAUSE IT DIDN'T!!!

O.K...........there was this person and they were at a pool. They wrapped their towel around their phone and forgot about it. When they grabbed the towel to dry off, the phone slipped and fell into the pool with them. The sound of the water when the phone hit made my......umm, their heart stop. They grabbed it as fast as they could. And it worked fine when they first got it out. but now it's making funny noises, and the screen doesn't work! So my phone is blind again!!! I can still call people and get calls, I just can't see whos calling or who I'm calling.
I mean their phone........did I say mine?.....I meant THEIR phone. Because it wasn't mine! It was someone else's. I mean I wouldn't be that careless with my things. And besides my phone is not that important to me that I have to have it by my side every minute, so I wouldn't have brought it out to the pool anyways!! I know some people's phones are so important that they would actually take up a whole blog space just to write about it........BUT NOT ME!!! No sir! I wouldn't do that!! I have more important things to write about!!

Natalie Y Hill

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

A new look

Thought I would change up my blog!! I think it was time for a change!!

Crazy stuff with our house.........

An appraiser just came out to look at our house. Everything falls on what she thought about it. If she says that the house isn't worth what we are asking, then everything is going to fall through. But if the house is worth more than we are asking ( and I think that it is) then everything will go on as planned.
If it doesn't it will mess up everything..........for the people that are buying our house, and for the people that we are buying from. EVERYTHING is riding on them buying ours. I'm a little nervous about this. But God has done everything with this whole process, so what ever happens I am going to trust Him. :-)

Kristen is getting married in 2 months. I can't believe that. She's not supposed to get married before me!!! jk no it's not a joke!! yes it is, no it's not!! lol
But things are really crazy right now. We are getting ready for the wedding and worrying about moving. Perfect timing. :-P
She's also about to have a baby. Well, I say about to, but it's not coming until March. So things will really get crazy then.
I'm really tired by the way.........

I'm really excited about the things that God is doing in our college ministry!!
God told me and showed me a few weeks ago that his desire for our college ministry is for us to be like the first church, specifically like the Acts church. God has made that very clear that that is His desire! And we are at the beginning stages..........He is already moving in that direction. I think that some of the things that have been happening is kinda scaring people! ha ha ha!!! Because it's been some 'non-baptist' things! lol God has really been stretching us and pulling us farther than we have gone before. AND IT'S AMAZING!! And I truly believe that it is going to spread to the rest of HHBC! It is already slowly seeping in!! lol But we must pray for boldness, that we will not stop doing what God is asking us to do just because ppl think that it's a little weird,...." we've never done that before". And that we will not be passive!! I know we will encounter resistance when we follow God's battle plan. But we must remain strong!!
But through everything, God's glory will shine brighter than anything that we do!!

Natalie Y Hill

Friday, August 11, 2006

Opps, I for got :-)

So yeah...............I forgot that I had this. lol Can't believe that!!

Wow, lot's of things have happened over the past few months that makes it feel like it's been 2 years since I have blogged!!

Where to start. Well.....let's start with something good!! Stephen and I are dating now!! yay!!! Stephen is such an awesome person. The greatest thing about him is his love for God and the passion that is in his relationship with Him.
But I have to stop here and give God some praise!! :-) In everything that has happened, God was right in the middle of it. Sometimes it was really hard to see that. But what He was trying to teach and grow in me was that His timing is PERFECT and it is SATISFYING. The process at times feels very slow ;-) but nothing can compare with the awesome joy that comes at the end of the wait. And when at the right time God births something new, His glory shines from all around it. And so at the end God is glorified, and we are hidden!!

We are finally moving!! Praise the Lord!!! We have found a house in Hudson. And it was so crazy, another God thing.........the day we singed our house over to the ppl that are buying it from us, we also signed the papers on the house we are buying in Hudson!! It was great!!
We've had a little bit of trouble with the ppl that are buying our house.........the firm that they are using are........well dishonest. There's just no nice way of putting it. So it's been kind of a long process of working this out because we are constantly having to check every little detail to make sure they are not throwing something into the contract that they aren't supposed to. Then when we find something, it just takes that much longer to redo the contract and for us to go over it again!! It's getting a little old. But everything has to be finished by the 31st. So we won't have to deal with this much longer!!

I'm still singing!! And I'm loving it!! it's so awesome to see how God uses that!! Because I know that it's not me..........there's no way!! Like in Costa Rica, the ppl had no idea what I was singing and yet it touched them. Through the Holy Spirit, they were able to see and Worship God, even when they couldn't with their human ears understand. God is amazing!!

Speaking of which. God is up to something!! (haha.....He always up to something!!)
God is getting ready to birth something new in our college ministry. I don't know what it is, but it's coming!! And it's not going to stop there. it is going to spread to the rest of the church!! He is getting ready to pour His Spirit out on His ppl!! I just don't know when it will happen. But Jesus said in Acts 1:7 that " It is not for you to know the times and dates the Father has set by his own authority." But we are to trust that his word is true, and that it does not come back void!! He does not go back on his word, nor does he tease. If He says something is going to happen, we must have faith that it will, and fight for it!! With the pouring down of the Spirit also comes the attack from the enemy. So It is a Call To Arms!!! And we must be ready!! This Day We Fight!! Heck Yeah!!! :-)

I think I'm going to stop there before this gets ridiculously long. :-)

Natalie Y Hill

Friday, June 16, 2006

Prayer Request!!

hey guys!!

I have an opportunity to go to Costa Rica on the 4th through the 15th of July! i am very excited about this!
I can give more details later as to what I will be doing. as of right now, the only thing that I know is that we will be doing a VBS during the day. And I think that I will be working with the youth in the church the rest of the time, talking with them and playing my guitar and singing!
Please keep me in your prayers about that.

But also the dreaded waiting for funds. I need $600 by Tuesday. i know God can do that!! but I would appreciate it if you would help me ask! :-)

I will try to keep you up dated........if anyone even reads this anymore. :S

Thanks for your prayers!!

Natalie y Hill

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Dear Lord

Dear Lord,

There are things that only You can handle. Things that only You understand. Situations that only You orchestrate.
And when we go through times of uncertainty, confusion, doubt, fear, STRESS!!! it is only YOU that remains steadfast!! Unchanging!!

Who You are does not rely on what I'm currently surrounded by!!

I can not even come close to shaping in my own mind who I think You are based on my current situations, for they are always changing. Whether for good or for bad.

But You never change! You never fail! You always make the right choice! You make the right calls. You push at the right time, and You pull! Sometimes You bless, and sometimes You take away!!

But God, I want to praise You no matter what happens to me!! I want You to be glorified, even if it is at my expense!!

Natalie Y Hill

Sunday, May 14, 2006


O.K. Justin, I'm updating now!! lol

Well, I'm getting VERY excited about this Friday!! Oh my gosh!! I can't believe that our concert is only 5 days away!! I'm getting really anxious! And Friday night at the Relay for Life didn't help!! Jenn and I played there at 12am.
And let me say that that was the most awkward thing I have ever done in my life!! ha ha!! (Midnight Madness) They were doing Relay races behind us! And this one game they played, you know the one where you get a balloon and run to your chair and sit on it to pop it, WELL.........they decided to play that while Jenn and I were singing!! At first we thought that it was Chelsi's drums(she played with an electric set) but I finally noticed that it was the balloons that were making all those LOUD popping noises!! ha ha ha!!!
But we had a really fun time!! And we even had a guy from the Lufkin Daily kind of interview Jenn after we were through. He heard her put in a plug for our tour this summer so he was asking her about it!! That was funny!! :-)

So yeah, I'm excited about Friday!! I can't wait!! I don't know how many ppl will be there, but it could be a lot!! THAT makes me nervous!! But it will be fun!!

So, things are a little crazy right now! Ryan will no longer be doing the music for Solomon's Porch, so we will have to find someone to take his place!! JONATHAN MARTIN :-) is doing it this Wednesday!! I'm going to sing with him!! That should be fun!!

Anywho, That's all I've gots to say right now. lol I'm going to go watch What About Bob lol
I've only seen half of it so I need to finish it. It is hilarious!!

Talk to you later!!

Natalie y. Hill

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Hey Guys!!

Hey Guys!!

Wow!! This past week was crazy!! Thursday morning Stephen and I left for Dallas at 9:00. We went to DBU for a while because he wanted to see some of his friends. (that was awesome because I got to see the campus!! :-) But from there we went to the ESL/EFL conference ( Preparing to teach conversational English ) Our church is sending I believe 2 teams this summer to Ukraine to set up a 2 week school for teaching conversational English. The conference went until Saturday. We left there at 11:00am and went straight to Brandon's where we immediately started recording!! :-) We recorded from 12 to 7:00 that night!! But I'm sure that Jenn was feeling it a lot more than Stephen and I. Her and Brandon had been working on it since 8:00am that morning, I believe is what she said!!! But the recording went really well!! And Brandon is awesome!! He worked like all day on it and then some the next day!!
Oh and guys..........Jennifer's song that she wrote was so incredible!!! It gave me chills when I listened to it!! She is amazing and I can't wait to sing with her this summer!! Stephen is awesome too!! He played percussion for us and it added so much to the sound!!

So yeah, the recording went really well and I'm so excited!! That was a lot of fun!!
Hey if you're interested in a cd ;-) just let me know!! :D
And you guys go and check out our website!! AND SIGN our guest book!! :D

Anyways, I have to go!! Hope you guys are doing O.K? Talk to you later!!

Natalie Y. Hill

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Here's the song

This is a song that I have been working on for a couple of weeks! I just finished it yesterday!
It's not the greatest song ever. It doesn't have eloquent words, or a great tune, but it means a lot to me because I know that God gave it to me!
I was feeling pretty bad that day. I was discontent, unsatisfied in where I was. And I'll be honest as to what the main reason was. I was unsatisfied with being single. And I began to question God. " I desire these things but you do not give them to me!!"
I knew in my heart that this wasn't right! But my feelings at that point seemed to master over my heart!
Then God whispered " Natalie. The very thing that you want, you want because it reminds you of me. Nothing or nobody can satisfy you like I can! No one knows you like I do! And no one can stir you inside and touch you so intimately as I can! The things that you want in a relationship are just a copy! They're NOT the real deal! I AM the real deal! This is what your heart is really wanting!!"
I began to pray! I pushed my feelings aside and just let my heart cry! "God I want you to satisfy me! I want you to go to the places in my heart that feel empty and fill them ALL with you! Every desire that I have I want you to satisfy them in a way that NO ONE can!!"
I spent a lot of time in prayer, just letting my Father soothe me inside. And from that time in prayer came this song.

(temporarily removed)

Like I said, It's not the greatest, but God used it!! :-) And Maybe he will use it to help someone else like he helped me! I hope so!

Natalie Y Hill

Monday, April 17, 2006

I don't have a title

We are moving forward with selling the house. We are going to sell it to my cousin. If they get approved for the loan, then we will more than likely be moving by this summer.
This fact really blows me away! This is going to be a hard time for our family! I know good will come of it, but it will be difficult too. And we are already having problems with my dad's family!! They do not approve of this decision and are trying to guilt us into staying! But we know this is what God is wanting us to focus on. I guess I don't know if he really wants us to move, but I do know that he wants us to keep trying!

This week is going to be hectic as usual. Tomorrow I have to be at church at 6:30p to work with the girls that sing in the youth band. And then after the youth practice is over ( around 8:30-45 ) then I will have to practice for the college band!
Then back to the church wednesday at 5:30p. Then at 6:30 the youth starts. 8:30 Solomon's Porch starts.

I decided to stop there. I'm getting tired thinking about it! ha ha!!

We are going to get a car this week. Maybe tomorrow. I think we are going to Loving Toyota. But we have to see if my dad will get in early enough!! :-) Thank God!!! We need a new car sooooooo bad!!!

Oh, the college group went to Piney Woods Saturday!! It was wonderful!! We spent the WHOLE day there. It was AMAZING!!! We just played on the lake, in the pool, we played v-ball and B-ball. And that was all we did all day!! it was so relaxing!!! And we had a wonderful time!!!

Well, That's enough!! I guess I will stop here!! :-D

Natalie Y. Hill

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

So I'm probably moving....

We have been praying about his for a while. But it seems that God is working it all out!

Until yesterday, it was just something that we were praying about. but we got a call yesterday from my cousin. Her and her husband had heard that we were thinking about moving. She said that they are interested in buying our house if we move!! that blew us away!! That was one of the things that was worrying us. We have to sell the house before we can buy a house. And God is already providing someone before we have even talked about putting it up for sell.
And it would be such a blessing to have it stay in the family!! ( I can't explain how important that is to my dad! )
But it appears that it is what God is wanting! There have been other things that have confirmed this!!
Don't worry...........We're moving to Hudson!! ha ha!!!

But I am excited to see what comes of this!! It is going to be very hard! I have lived here for 20 years. To leave now is going to be tough!!

Natalie Y. Hill

Wednesday, April 05, 2006


Man the things that God does!

I must say that this past weekend was out of this world!! I have never been around a woman of God that was SO in tune with His Spirit!! God blew me away through Patti Foster!!
She was the speaker at the women's retreat that Jenn and I lead in music!
Oh that I could be like her now, and not wait until I am her age!! To have wisdom that is beyond my years!! ( James 1:5 ) Can it come so easy as to just ask!?!
God spoke to me and stirred my Spirit like nothing else!! He caused me to fall more in love with Him. He left me yearning for such an intimate relationship with him; to go deeper than I ever have before!! Oh I have much to learn, and have so much growing to do!!
But I know that God is going to take me deeper into Him!! It is my prayer and it is becoming all I think about!!
I feel weird telling this, but it is the truth.

Natalie Y. Hill

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

What to say.....

I feel like I have so much to say, but I can't seem to find words for them!! I hate when I get like that!! :S

The women's conference was wonderful!! God was so amazing!!! And God blessed Jennifer and I so much through that experience!! Man, it is just unbelievable to me that God allowed us to do that!
I know that God has called me to lead people to worship God in music at this point in my life........and He has given me such a strong desire to do that!! I love how He does that!! Like in Psalm 37:4 where it says " Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." How wonderful to know that if I love and follow after Jesus, that my Father who is in Heaven, will put a desire in my heart to serve Him and place my where I need to be in order to do that!! the Lord is good!!

Well, preparations for the tour this summer are coming along! There are still details to work out so please keep Jonathan, Jennifer, and I in your prayers as we work out it all out. We all know that this is what God wants for us!! So now we have to trust Him that He will work it all out!!
I am so excited about singing with Jennifer and going on tour with Jonathan!! They are so amazing!! God has gifted them tremendously!! And I can't believe that I am going to be able to sing with them!!! How cool is that!! They are going places man!! ( maybe they will take me with them!!! lol )

Jenn and I are going to record a few songs at the end of next month! So I am very excited about that!! But I am also really nervous! That scares me more than going on tour!! lol But I know that it will be fun! it completely blows me away that we are doing this!! Man!! And it's happening so fast!! ( Isn't it Jennifer!!??? lol )

We ( Jenn and I ) are going to be leading the women of Harmony Hill to worship God in music this weekend!! I am really nervous about this one and I don't know why.......well, I do know why - I just can't say!! But please pray for Jenn and I because Satan is already trying to discourage us. Which means that the Spirit is already at work and Satan is trying to stop it!! But God WILL have victory!! Satan can't stand against the Lord's saints when they pray!! So pray for God's hand upon the leadership that is bringing this together. And for the speaker. Pray for the ladies that will be coming!
I truly believe that this is another step in God's plan for Harmony Hill!!
We had a revival service last week!! But God doesn't want it to stop there!! It's time for change!! Past time!! And just as Michael Gott said on Tuesday night of the revival, " What are we waiting for? God has called! Why wait?" We don't need words anymore!! Good intentions get us no where if they're not put into action!!

Anywho! That's about it right now!! Oh....

Sarah, do you remember the Scripture that Scott gave us Sunday night!! I remembered yours - Isaiah 55:5. but I can't remember the one he had. I lost that paper!

Talk to you people later!!! ;-D

Natalie Y. Hill

Thursday, March 23, 2006

God is up to something!!

Wow!! The revival was so awesome!! God was so amazing!! God has just put this excitement in my heart!! And I know that things will happen!! He is all about HIS glory!! And He will be glorified no matter what!!

So I have some news! Jonathan Martin is getting a tour together this summer!!! And Jennifer Conn and I will be opening for him!! I am so excited!!! We will be going all over Texas singing!!! And it's amazing to me how God is pulling it all together!!!

It's so exciting to see how God has opened the door for me to sing!! it is wonderful!!
Jenn and I are leading in worship for 1st Baptist in Huntington this Saturday. And then they have asked us to come back Sunday morning to lead for their morning service! How cool is that!?! and then next weekend we will lead for the Harmony Hill women's retreat! That will be Friday and Saturday!

I am just so happy that I am able to serve God in this way! He has put the desire in my heart to sing for Him, and by His mercy and grace He is allowing me to!! This Joy comes to me when I sing for Him that i can't describe!! I'm just glad that He has allowed me to do this!!!

God is doing so many things in my life right now!!! Some of it He has let me in on!! But some, i can only feel His movement!!! God is up to something!! And that rocks!!! :-D

Natalie y. Hill

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Just Writing

So I'm really not sure what to write. I thought that I would just go for it and see what comes. :-)

I'm really excited about this Sunday. The band will be doing " The Revelation Song". I'm not sure if I will be singing on that one because I am going to do sign language. It's pretty cool what God is doing in our church. He put it on Teresa Wier's heart to do this song with sign language. It's going to be incredible. There will be around 20 of us that will do it. And it is going to look so cool!! And that is such an awesome song and has God's anointing on it!

Speaking of Teresa. She is so awesome! I look up to her so much. She has such a sweet Spirit about her. And I really respect her a lot. And she is a godly mother and wife. AND!!!.............she has the most amazing voice!! I love when I can sing with her on Sundays!! Because I know that she means what she is singing. She really worships God!! She encourages me so much!!.......but I don't think she even knows it! Maybe I should tell her! :o)


Larry, Donna, Stephen, and Shelley Jansen, and Jennifer conn - ( by the way.....that girl can SANG!!!!!) - Anyways, they came over Saturday night. We built a fire outside and sat around it! It was fun. Jenn and I played our guitars and sang!! I love singing with her!!! :-)

Well, I think I'm going to stop there before it gets to long. ;-)

Natalie Y. Hill

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Matthew 18:19-20

God is doing some really awesome things! Through the 21 days of fasting that our church is doing, God is taking us so much deeper into Him! I am Very excited about the things He is doing! God is so amazing!

One thing that He is teaching me through this time is that there is power in numbers. (Matthew 18:19-20) God promised that He would answer our prayers if "two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by my Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." So I have asked a couple of people to help me pray about some things through this time. Because I am believing what God said! But, I do not over look James 4:3 where it says, " You ask and do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures."
We are obviously not asking with wrong motives because God is answering our prayers. It is very cool!

Oh, and I have an opportunity, Jennifer and I, to lead worship for a women's retreat that our church is doing on March 31st, and April 1st!!! Ronda Foster asked me last night!! I couldn't believe it!! God is so amazing!! That's the weekend after the one we're doing in Huntington!! I am so excited!! God is truly awesome!!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Sometimes I Wonder

if God waits to the last minute to answer a prayer for "Dramatic Effect"!!

Friday, February 24, 2006

The Attacks Keep Coming With No Sign of Relief!

I'm going to tell you something that has to do with an on going joke that has been going on for a while about our family. :-) It has to do with our vehicle situation.

But this is no longer funny. I realize now that it is a direct attack on our family from the enemy.
This morning my mom drove the van, that we are borrowing, to pick up one of Sarah's friends. When she started the van to leave their house, it wouldn't start. It is still sitting in their drive.

I have really been thinking about this for a while.
Our family is so involved in our church, with so many different ministries. And we depend on our vehicles so much, because we live so far away. When our car broke down a few months ago, it was so hard for all five of us to fit in that little truck. And a lot of times, someone would stay home because we didn't want to ride in the truck like that.
Then we got the van. It looked like crap, but it got us where we needed to go comfortably. Now, we're back to having one truck again. The enemy has tried everything they can to keep us from going to that church, since we first joined. And let me tell you, they came close a few times to winning.
This is very discouraging. And this is costing us so much money.

But at least I am aware of the attack. It's just one thing after another! Please pray for our family if you think about it! Our family has been undergoing some tough Spiritual warfare for a while now, and not just with the vehicles. We're getting tired. We need relief.

Natalie Y. Hill

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Adding to the last post, becasue I know you want to know.

So, I had to let you know that God has healed my phone!! ha ha!!
He restored it's sight!! It was pretty cool!!

You may laugh becasue I prayed over it.......but I can't afford to buy a new one!! :D I was at the youth group last night and after it was over, I turned my phone on again and it worked!! it was funny becasue I was showing Lindsay Hollowell that it wasn't working, and then it worked!!

So that was nice!!


Natalie y. Hill

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


So I got my retainer today. Now my gums are sore. Hate the thing already!! And I had to wait in the waiting room for a whole hour, just to have him stick it in my mouth and say, " Alright, you can go!" ( grrr ) That was great.

MY PHONE IS BLIND!! This is a very sad fact indeed.
Let me explain. While I was on my way this morning to pick up the retainer, that I hate already, this idiot stopped right in front of me!! So I threw on the brakes! I "HAD" a big glass of water in between the seats beside me. It was now all over the floor. The lid had popped off and so it spilt Everywhere> My phone, that "WAS" on the seat next to me, was now in the floor floating in the swimming pool!! Because I had to keep an eye on the moron in front of me, I couldn't rescue my poor little phone right away. So it sat and soaked up some water for a little while. That was great. At first it seemed fine, but then the screen started doing weird things. Now, it can't see!! I know that it's on because of the light on the side. So I'm going to have to take it to the Doctor. the bad thing being,........I don't have doctor insurance. Bummer.

Monday, February 20, 2006

I'm so bored I'm getting a head ache!!

I have not been this bored in a long time!! My mom and Dad, and Kristen are sick. Sarah is getting that way!! And they are all asleep right now, 2 O' clock in the afternoon. So what does that mean for Natalie? It means no music, that's what it means!! And I can't got outside because it is so nasty. It's cold and wet!! And I am at the point now that I don't even know what I would want to do if I could do anything!! I wouldn't mind going into town, but I don't want to get ready! I need help! now my head hurts!
So now that I'm through wining, let me tell you what happened Saturday!

O.K. Kristen and I were on our way to Lufkin, right? Well, we got 5 miles, maybe, from our house and this stupid buzzard flies up from nowhere right into the middle of our truck! It would have hit directly in the middle except for the fact that Kristen tried to dodge it. Well, as she was swerving to miss it, the retarded bird, in a last attempted to save himself, flew up over the hood of the truck and smashed right into the wind shield in front of me, who was sitting on the passenger side. The dumb thing broke the glass on that side to where I could no longer see out. And it broke bad enough that the inside layer of the glass broke and sprayed ALL OVER ME!!! It even hit my face!! I am very thankful though. I didn't get cut. But it did poke me, because it was all over my clothes and in my hair, and there was even a piece of glass on my face very close to my left eye.
Kristen on the other hand didn't have any problems att all, except for the nagging realization that she had just smashed our dad's wind shield, in the truck that he has to work in! But, that's not to bad, right?
So we now have NO car that is drivable! But we do have this really ugly van that my dad's boss let us borrow. :P

Natalie Y. Hill

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

O.K, I had to tell you...

The coolest thing happened right after I posted that yesterday!
First, God is so awesome.

Second, I got a call from Jennifer Conn.

Jennifer and I, with Shelley J. went to the 1st bapt. church in Huntington after Kalob and Kristi's wedding. Jenn's friend Robert wanted us to come and sing and play music just to have fun. So we went and we sang. Well, there was this girl that was there who came to play the drums for us.
Well, to make a long story short, she told her mom that Jenn and I could sing really well. So she got Jenn's phone number and called her yesterday.
So Jenn called me. She said that the lady asked if we would be interested in leading Worship for a women's conference that their church is having on March 25th. And so naturally she said yes!! and then called me!! ha ha!! But it is so amazing how god did that. He totally gets the credit for that!! that lady didn't even hear us, she's just going on what her daughter said!!
I am so excited about what God is doing!! I just wanted to share that!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

It's so cool that God is giving me these opportunities to sing!

I kind of feel stupid that it took me this long to do it. But God has good timing. I'm singing with Ryan this Sunday while he's filling in for Joel. But that's cool that I am singing on Sunday mornings. I love it. I do not know how to describe the feeling of being able to lead others in Worship.
I'm also going to be helping teach the girls in the youth group that sing with Ryan, how to sing harmony. Well, Kelly will be teaching them, I'm just helping her. :o) I'm going to start that tonight.
I'm getting a little nervous though about singing as far as where that will lead. But I'm really excited too.

I still have no car. Our car has been broken down since October, and my uncle has had it for 4 weeks now and hasn't had time to work on it. So I can't go anywhere during the day. So I can't get a job right now.
But I don't know where I'm going to work that won't interfere with church. I want to be able to work with the youth. And I DO NOT want to miss church. I will not work somewhere that will keep me out. That may mean waiting and looking harder. So I will.
But I hope it's soon. I'm getting a little tired of staying home. Although I am getting to read a lot. And I'm getting to play my music a lot!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

It is when God is Glorified that our Hearts are most satisfied. that is not mine, but I thought it sounded right. At least I don't think it's mine? It just came to me! :o) It's basically what we have been studying at Solomon's Porch on Wednesdays.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

No Longer Secrets

I did a really good job of hiding the fact that I couldn't sing from other people. And I did this for a while. But after a year of it, the desire of singing began to grow again. But I was afraid of it. How could I do something that I was told I wasn't good at? It almost felt like a cruel tease to have a desire to do something that I wasn't able to do. I still did more hiding.

The summer after I graduated I went to Brazil with my church for the very first mission trip I had ever been on. I was 18 years then. It was a hard trip, but God did something absolutely amazing in my heart! While I was in Brazil, I began to sing! And I sang with Jennifer! It was so great! It was the first time in over a year and a half that I stood up in front of people and sang.- O.K. it doesn't matter that they couldn't understand me! :o) - God used mine and Jennifer's voice to touch the hearts of those who heard! And it was amazing to me that that was how God got a lot of people to come! " Come tonight to church, the Americans will be singing!" How cool is that! When I would be at the church services at night, (which is when we would sing) I would feel this Joy swell up inside me! And that would arouse and stir to life again other feelings that I had long forgotten, that were tucked away from my childhood.
When I returned to the States, I automatically went back into hiding. But not for very long! You see, there was one thing that I didn't take into consideration when I was singing in Brazil. I guess when I got back, I thought that all of that would stay there. That it wouldn't affect me. It was just part of the high of the mission trip! But, there was this one girl, and I won't mention her name, ( Jennifer) that wouldn't let me forget that I could sing. She always encouraged me to sing, and told people that I could. And every time she would say something, it pierced my heart. It caused a pain that I can't describe, but one that I wanted! God used her, and she didn't even know. She kept all those feelings at the surface, and didn't allow them to be buried.

It was just a few months later that we began the college ministry at our church. And a little after that, we started the band for Solomon's Porch. They had auditions and I tried out. And so began my singing at Harmony Hill. I was 19 years old.

I wish I could say that I started living out of what I knew that God wanted for me, but I can't. It was still a great struggle for me as I began my search for my "calling". I was stuck at a point where I couldn't go forward. I had decided that I was going to be an RN. I had been trying so hard for over a year to get into college. But every time I would begin to pursue it something would keep me from being able to get all the stuff in order. My last attempt, I had already had all the things in order and I was ready to go, but the car broke down. I had no way to go! Once again the door was slammed shut in my face!

A week before I left for Passion '06 God began to whisper to me what He wanted from me. "I want your heart. Give me your heart."
"I already have!! I don't know what you mean!"

It was the last day we were at Passion that God finally opened my eyes to what He was saying!
For so long I had been covering up my heart with dreams, plans, and ideas that were my own, and not His. I realized for the first time that I had made those plans to go to school so that I could escape from my heart! That's what was expected of me! "You need to be an RN. That would make the family proud. Not that other thing!! Remember, people will laugh! That's a failure waiting to happen!"

Right then, I gave God my Heart, my dreams! No more acting as if I know what I'M doing! What ever He had, I was willing to do. Even if it meant being looked down on. No more listening to the enemy's lies.

God told me so clearly that for this semester he wants me to sing! And that is what I will do. And for the first time in my 20 years, I'm really living out God's dream for me.
I realize that it seems so insignificant. It even sounds to me like it is something that shouldn't matter. I mean it's just singing, isn't it? Not really. If that is what God has asked me to do, then it's not just singing.
And I am also very aware of the fact that if that is what God has asked, then that is what Satan will try and stop.
I am engaged in war, and this is a fight that can't be ignored. I will no longer fight half heartedly, but with my whole heart! I allowed Satan to, in a way, disarm me. But by the grace of God, I won't stand for that any more!

Natalie Y. Hill

Friday, January 27, 2006

No Longer Secrets

You know, after I gave up listening to all that music, and replacing it with the music that God wanted me to fill my heart with, my dreams began to change.- Or may be it was just that they no longer had anything to hide behind.
At 15, I began to feel what I thought was emptiness.
See, when I gave up the music, I also had to give up the dream of singing, so I thought. I mean, after giving that up, what would I sing about?! At least that's what was in my head.
Well, I didn't stop wanting to sing. So I began dreaming about performing Christian music. But it just didn't feel right. It was lacking!
So I pushed that reality far away and just went on living out my Christian "walk". I developed a strong desire to learn more about God. And I started studying and that's when I really started a relationship with God. It was no longer just praying that God would bless the food at meal times. It was two way. He was actually talking to me! And I could hear Him!

All the way up to this point I had been going to a church. The same one for over 16 years. This church did absolutely nothing for me as far as helping in a relationship with Christ. In fact that church was a tool, not used by God, but by His very enemy!
Like I said previously, I still wanted to sing. And I wanted to sing for God. I felt God leading me, along with some others, to try and introduce to these " people of God" a new style of Worship. ( forgive me if I sound bitter) I led the music service several times. I loved it! It was great! And even though I was scared out of my mind, I was obedient to what I knew God was asking of me!
And no! Satan did NOT sit by and watch me. It was just a few weeks later, not even a month, that the attack came! A man, who apparently thought himself in charge, approached me after a Sunday morning service and told me very plainly that he did not approve of what we were doing and that he liked it better the old way. He smiled a smile at me to let me know that it wasn't an option. And he let me know that no one else wanted it the new way either. He said that they wanted my dad to lead again, and not me. I didn't know what to say to him. I just stared at him as he was telling me. He left me standing in the back of the church wounded and devastated. I didn't sing anymore.
" You can't stand in front of people. Who would want to look at you? And no one wants to listen to your voice! Don't tell anyone about this! ' May be I didn't really want to do this after all!' " Loud the voice was this time. Again confirmed. And I went into hiding again.

Shortly after this, our family left that church. That was the best thing that has ever happened to our family.
I was almost 17 years old when we left that church and started attending a new one. This was a scary thing for me. But I felt safe! It was so much bigger than the one that I had been to. I was able to hide. A painful shyness came over me again. And that voice that seemed to always be there at the (right) time "You have a dark secret! Don't let anyone find out! Everyone already knows that there is nothing special about you, so trust me, it's better not to draw attention!" The enemy was digging deeper into what was now scares.

You know, there were so many times from my childhood that I was lied to. Everything seemed to confirm it. From something that my father or mother would say, and even my grandfather. Or something from my sister, friends or other family members. And circumstances would seem to promote the fact that I just couldn't measure up. See I knew, even as a little girl, that even if I did sing that it wouldn't be good enough. That some how it would be a disappointment to those who heard it. Even God.

Now at this new church, I started pretending like I couldn't sing. And to be quite honest, my voice didn't sound the same. Something had happened to it. I didn't have the power behind it anymore. I just gave up. I then had an idea. If singing couldn't be my (glory) then I would just be the best Christian I could be. And that's how I would get attention. And in doing so, I could get the attention off of what was really going on. Not only from those around me, but from myself as well.....

Thursday, January 26, 2006

No longer secrets

God told me very clearly what He wants from me this semester. For the longest time - and really that means most of my life - I denied it, thinking only that it was a silly childhood dream. That it meant nothing.

I have decided to share things that I have always kept to myself. Mainly, because I was embarrassed for anyone to know this about me. :o) It's funny to me when I think about it- but sad at the same time.- Blinded. Misguided. Lied to.

If I could only give one word that would describe my childhood dreams, it would have to be MUSIC. From the time I was old enough to talk I was singing. And I started playing the guitar as soon as I was big enough to reach around the small one that my dad has ( it was the same one that he learned to play on when he was a young boy) Soon after I discovered the radio- for myself, not just listening when mom had it on-( I got it for Christmas) and then it was never off.

O.K. this is where I tell know the kind that only your family knows about- mainly because siblings spy, or you being completely unaware because you started off being at the house by yourself, but sometime the rest of the family came home. ( don't know how many times That one happened to me)

Now let's try to picture a young girl of about 5 years old standing in front of a mirror with a flash light up to her mouth singing into it with the radio playing, loud! (Flash lights look more realistic than a hairbrush! I know some of you used a hairbrush! )
Imagination soaring; the music, lights, and the stage all in front of her. The voice that came from her had people standing in awe. Feelings of worth came. She was Beautiful! She was glorious! She was me.
Then the assault came. The first big blow. Someone whispered, "You are not beautiful. You can't stand in front of people. Who would want to look at you. And no one wants to listen to your voice! Don't tell anyone about this! They will laugh at you!" Believing it, I went on with life. And so began the long and strenuous battle for my heart!

At first I tried to ignore those nagging thoughts. But as I began to get brave and share my heart with others, the blows came even harder. Perhaps because they confirmed what I was already believing.

Still singing in front of the mirror at 12 years old, but in my room where no one could see, I hid from people. Given funny looks and laughed at when caught sent the wounds deeper. So more hiding was in order.

At thirteen years old, an obsession with the music on the radio made it's self at home. I knew every song that came on the radio, literally. And I knew every artist that sang them. It consumed me. What was on the radio was what my relationships with my friends were based on.
It was around this time that I took a Risk and shared with my mom of the dream I had of becoming a singer. While she said that she would support me in what ever I wanted to do, she tried in a motherly way to tell me that it really wasn't very realistic. And deeper the wounds went!

By fourteen years old I was a completely different person. There was this darkness that was always present with me. I began to shut myself off from others even more. I felt sick inside. And this anger came from - nowhere? I began to hate myself! The thought of ending the mess I felt inside seemed very freeing! I didn't care how it was done. I just wanted out!
Shortly after, my parents forced me to go to this youth conference. It was a True Love Waits conference. My parents had never forced me to do anything like that, nor have they since. So you might can understand that I was beside myself with anger. Not only did I see this as a waste of time ( " I know about all that stuff! Why do they think I need to go to that!" ) I was painfully shy. Even though I let my parents "have it" for insisting that I attend that conference, they didn't give in! They dropped me and my sister off that Friday night. I went in with my heart closed! I wasn't going to listen to anything!
It was a 2 day conference. It started again the next morning. So I had to endure it again. I made it through the first night with out much problem. But Saturday was a little different. Towards the end of that day, I began to feel really uncomfortable.
I'll cut to the chase. At the invitation that last day, God talked to me. In that really loud voice that I had only heard one time before on the night that I got saved - Which had been 3 years ago at this point-
I was standing up, the invitational song was playing, and I heard it! It was so loud and so clear that I had to sit down. "Give the music up." I sat there with no words. Finally "Alright Lord." I didn't question Him. I couldn't. So at that point I gave him all of my music. It was just a few weeks later that I threw all of my cds and posters away. I replaced them with Christian music. That was a huge step to uncovering my Heart......

Friday, January 20, 2006

My Heart Sings! I Will Listen!

O.K. I have had some thoughts running through my head for a while. And I am going to attempt to write them down. It will probably make sense only to me. But that's O.K. because I will feel better getting some of this out! :o)

My dreams. There has been one dream that has pulled at my heart for as long as I can remember. Anytime I would hear it or watch an advertisement about it, it would pull at me! Something would come alive inside! I wouldn't hear or be around it very often, but when I was, this voice, a familiar one - a voice that I had heard before would say....."I want to be a part of that! I was made for this!"
But I would walk away, or the advertisement would go off and the voice would go silent. I would "forget"- go on surviving, living out my Christian life. Doing the right thing. And yet, something was missing. Or may be just covered up?!
It would try to surface, and out of fear I would push it down again. 'Forgetting it'. I don't understand. How simple it is! What was it that scared me!? Why was I so afraid to let my heart feel?

But giving up my dreams and surrendering to the dreams that God has for me has brought me to a whole new level of understanding what it means to die so that Christ may live. And what I have found was that God's dreams are what I wanted all a long! It was HIS voice that was familiar that I heard. Why did I try to deny for so long what I truly wanted!?! Was it caused from feeling worthless, or feeling like I just couldn't measure up? May be feeling as though my life didn't count for anything? "Nothing special here!" and so believing the lie that this is the way it's going to be and nothing can change that.
I made the mistake, as countless other Christians have, of misinterpreting what Christ meant when he said that " I came that they might have life, and have it abundantly!" (John 10:10) I have always thought that he was referring to heaven. While that is something that us as followers of Jesus Christ have to look forward to, I believe that he meant so much more for us here. And it starts with the new heart. I love that my old one died and that there is something in it's place. How awesome is that?! Not only did He wash all of the sin off, but He completely did away with the heart that was stained in the first place! "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW Creation; the old things passed away; Behold, NEW things have come."
So I must live out of my heart! It is NEW and it is righteous! My body is the Holy Place, but my HEART is the Most Holy Place ( the Holy of Holies) the actual dwelling place of God (the Spirit). So in actual REALITY, allowing my heart to live is actually allowing Christ to live in Me!!
So, when my heart sings, I will listen!! For it is a melody strait from God Himself.