Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Day 4 with no voice.

Man, it is crazy how much I depend on it. It's such a natural thing. My job even depends on it. 2 weeks now not working. That's going to hurt.

Mother's day was interesting. All I could do was whisper. And with some not able to hear very well with my normal voice, it made for some very frustrating conversations. And since most cannot read lips, words were a completely useless form of communication. :D

But the hardest has not been the lack of conversations with others. It was the first day, on Sunday.
The team was leading us in worship and I opened my mouth to sing, and nothing came out. It broke my heart. I wanted so badly to sing! I felt like I couldn't worship as much without my voice. but then it hit me....

When you get so used to worshiping God in a certain way at a certain place, I think it becomes more of a habit. Why else would I feel that I couldn't worship as well in that setting? It's so routine I don't even recognize it.

I love that I can sing. And I love that the Lord has called me to sing. But I must not love singing for God more than I love God.

In My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes, "Your god may be your little Christian habit-the habit of prayer or Bible reading at certain times of your day. Watch how your Father will upset your schedule if you begin to worship your habit instead of what your habit symbolizes."

1 comment:

christina said...

I am going to think on this. Its like something I have been wondering lately that is hard to put into words. But..when I pray am I just saying words - is it just a lifestyle to me - or I am really believing that I am talking to a real God that is King and Creator and knows my every thought. I don't know if that makes sense - but its pretty much the same thing I guess.