Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Replying to Christina's Blog

You know...I do the exact same thing. I haven't always been like that. It's just been in the last 3 years. So many things (that were not so good) happened to me and my family all at one time, and then just dragged on. I started distancing myself. It took a lot out of me. Now I avoid any relationship( or job ) that I feel like it is draining me! I cringe inside just thinking about those people or situations!! And for some reason, Steve and I both attract those kind of people!! lol I think there must be a sign above me that I can't see that says"Dump your burdens here!" That's terrible, I know. :-)
The bottom line is, I have sinned! I have become very selfish! It not only hurt my relationships with my family and friends, but I am not very close to God anymore. I have pulled away from everything. Slowly but surely. I didn't even realize it. I got to the point where I was numb to everything.
The Lord is healing my mind and my heart now. But it is a slow process. Now I have to fight my very lazy mind to keep it from closing down on me when I get into a situation that will require more of me.......more of my heart.
I am ready to move out of this! I want to love others more than I love being comfortable! It's going to be a battle. I am not looking forward to this.....

1 comment:

Christina said...

well I'll pray for you and you can pray for me! Its funny you said that about how you and Stephen seem to attract "those" types of people. Blake and I have talked about Stephen before - about how much we respect how he loves people - not people that make him look good or will in the natural realm benefit him - but those that need a friend. At the end of his life he will have a room full of people that knew he loved them just for who they were and not for any selfish reason.
On another note, there has to be a line somewhere, though, right? I mean there are people out there who would take, take, take until there was nothing of you left. I just need to find that line, I guess instead of veering way over to the completely withdrawn area.