you just need to laugh

I know that this is nothing new

But I do not understand the mercy of God. For 2 and a half weeks God has been showing me how great His mercy is and how much grace that he has poured on me. Oh I know all about the mercy of God for others.....but for me? Why I hold myself to a higher standard, I do not know. Why I think that God would hold me to a higher standard than someone else, I don't know that either. But some how I have convinced myself that, whether my sin small or great, that He is tired of me and does not want to waste anymore time with me. I have been living with this condemnation for almost 2 years now. Even though I never formed it into thought, it was still there. So needless to say, I have been hurting because I do not feel close to God. Living in that worthlessness, I come to the Father not in boldness as a child of God, but with my head turned in shame as a dirty slave. Yes, maybe God loves me, but does he accept me? Why would he accept me? I have done nothing for Him except to shame Him and disobey!

Why can't my mind grasp forgiveness?

The Lord is working on my heart. Until I can accept forgiveness, how can I forgive?

Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

This made me laugh until I started crying!!

Replying to Christina's Blog

You know...I do the exact same thing. I haven't always been like that. It's just been in the last 3 years. So many things (that were not so good) happened to me and my family all at one time, and then just dragged on. I started distancing myself. It took a lot out of me. Now I avoid any relationship( or job ) that I feel like it is draining me! I cringe inside just thinking about those people or situations!! And for some reason, Steve and I both attract those kind of people!! lol I think there must be a sign above me that I can't see that says"Dump your burdens here!" That's terrible, I know. :-) The bottom line is, I have sinned! I have become very selfish! It not only hurt my relationships with my family and friends, but I am not very close to God anymore. I have pulled away from everything. Slowly but surely. I didn't even realize it. I got to the point where I was numb to everything. The Lord is healing my mind and my heart now. But it is a slow process. Now I have to fight my very lazy mind to keep it from closing down on me when I get into a situation that will require more of me.......more of my heart. I am ready to move out of this! I want to love others more than I love being comfortable! It's going to be a battle. I am not looking forward to this.....